Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Wed May 09, 2018 1:14 am
I just wrote a long letter expressing some difficult things I'd like to say to you...but I then remembered my mother's wisdom. Sometimes it best to write a letter about the things you know you can't tell someone, and then tear it up and move on.
So no record of me sharing some deeper feelings from my heart anonymously on the internet. Those things I can say to you, I will.
G0lden
Posts : 7833 Join date : 2012-06-26 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Wed May 09, 2018 4:00 am
Your mom is a very wise lady Icetooth.
___________________________________________________ Reese's, Kashmir's, and Tequila's mommy.
Startear
Posts : 499 Join date : 2015-03-26 Age : 33
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Wed May 09, 2018 9:15 am
You are quite literally the grossest person I've ever known.
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Wed May 16, 2018 7:33 pm
Honestly at this point I feel like the Nemi quote is an apt description of my family life. "Oh for fucks sake, we see each other as often as we can be bothered, and at this point it is a good thing."
Are you guys even aware? Of how my mom and I's relationship has never been this good? Since Christmas, I have only seen her twice. and though I groan at how she expects me to be in the know, and I am concerned about how the organizers of her club is letting her do this much work, I am thrilled. With our interactions being so low, she almost behaves decently.
And honestly, I don't even know how to interact with you guys right now. One of you treats me like you always have, but I have never realized that this was the cause of our adult tensions. The other treats me like a punching bag, you can't take what is coming for you. I'm faster and almost as strong.
And I remember. I do. Still don't know how to process this but I remember something you've forgotten.
And mentally I'm getting better. I am. And the ease of our interaction is due to me realizing these things, but damn if you guys aren't making it as hard as possible.
Gods, this got longwinded. I was just going to edit some mistakes in, but guess this needed to be written down. I'm done now!
Thanks to Embala for the lovely banner! The quote belongs to Scooter.
Embala
Posts : 16938 Join date : 2012-06-24 Age : 64 Location : Germany
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Sun Jun 10, 2018 9:17 am
Maybe I've never learned to fight. Never learned to loose. And get up and fight again.
Maybe I've just learned to back out before it becomes a fight. Give up when I've lost ... or before. And declare it "not important" (because one can live without it).
But what will happen to my little wishes and dreams when I do so every time? Learned to make wishes smaller and smaller. Makes them even less less important to fight for. Unimportant to wish for. Learned that dreams are just irreal. Unnecessary. Unimportant. Stop dreaming. What will stay of my life when I do so - what other than mere existence? Eat, drink, dress, a bed to sleep and a roof.
I don't know how to fight. Didn't learn to loose ... because it's not loosing when I loose unimportant unnecessary things you can do without, right? Learned to never try again ... or not even try for the first time. Because unimoprtant.
I don't want to learn this. I don't dare to unlearn this.
I brabble ... (and no, I'm not drunk. not even tipsy. not at all.)
Indem du etwas tust, das dir oder jemand anderem gefällt, erschaffst du bereits einen Wert.
Embala
Posts : 16938 Join date : 2012-06-24 Age : 64 Location : Germany
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:03 am
Embala wrote:
Eat, drink, dress, a bed to sleep and a roof.
I know this is MUCH ... when you have to fight for it.
Has it to be enough ... just because more is not essential? Has it to be enough ... because there are too many people who have not even so much? Has it to be enough ...
I have the essentials anyway. All this is quite self eveident for me. Going smooth. I even have much more. I can buy me things. I have friends. I should be happy and content. I am supposed to be happy and content. Why wishing for more?
It's not enough for me.
When there are no wishes and dreams anymore ... I'm dead. I'm dead while living a good and easy life.
It's not about that each wish must come true. It's about still having wishes ... without this voice telling me that it's not necessary. Not important anyway. And feeling me guilty. Guilty ... because I want more. Guilty ... because I've learned not to fight for it. Guilty ... because I've failed when I loose.
I still dream. When I dream I'm always aware that this is a dream. Not real. Not important. Not necessaray. Dreaming ... instead of doing something useful. Dreaming is futile.
Somehow I've learned - taught myself - that wishes and dreams are wrong.
I KNOW this is WRONG ... a misinterpretation and misconception of things that were told to me.
I want to unlearn. Want to learn. I'm afraid to learn new ways. Too fatalistic to unlearn. And after all ... I have a good life, right? CIRCLES.
Thanks for this place to word what stays unspoken most of the time. Because those who should be addressed are not allowed to bother. Or will not listen. Or will not understand anyway. Or - are not able to understand anymore. And those who listen need a break at times.
Posts : 16938 Join date : 2012-06-24 Age : 64 Location : Germany
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Sun Jun 10, 2018 3:42 pm
*hugs young Suntop* I'm fine ... well enough at least. Talking usually helps ... even without a defined recipient. Your pictures made me smile ... and your care warms my heart, dear friend.
Indem du etwas tust, das dir oder jemand anderem gefällt, erschaffst du bereits einen Wert.
Last edited by Embala on Fri Jun 15, 2018 1:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
PCoquelin
Posts : 1899 Join date : 2012-07-14 Age : 56 Location : St-Michel/Orge - France
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:06 pm
Embala wrote:
*hugs young Suntop* I'm fine ... well enough at least. Talking usually helps ... even without a defined recipient. Your pictures made me smile ... and your care was my heart, dear friend.
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:38 pm
With two of the worlds most ridiculous hairstyles about to meet for the first time, I'm wondering if they'll act old the negative ends of two magnets and refuse to meet, or if it'll open up a wormhole and we'll all get sucked through it an end up in some alien zoo.
Zebbed as the First Lady of Naughtyniceness! Cast as Petalwing in the EQ Forums Movie Dubbed Google Queen by Kindredsoul
Redhead Ember
Posts : 6160 Join date : 2015-04-17 Age : 35 Location : Right here
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:51 am
Seems like they just reacted like regular magnets and become strongly attached to each other…
And how did I know just what you're talking about.
___________________________________________________ "When you do what you love best, you shine where you love."
Come play the Who Am I game!
Redhead Ember
Posts : 6160 Join date : 2015-04-17 Age : 35 Location : Right here
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Tue Dec 11, 2018 5:31 pm
^Now, however, I have no clue…
---
Once again I find myself worried for the life of a complete stranger… it's my weird relationship with cycling in a nutshell; I love the sport, but damn does it scare me sometimes! Damn does it break my heart. But is it too much to ask for just one season without anyone dying or getting seriously injured and ending up in a coma? Though I guess this is also why I follow the good stories so closely; to remind myself that sometimes… there is a happy ending.
___________________________________________________ "When you do what you love best, you shine where you love."
Come play the Who Am I game!
Sifra
Posts : 824 Join date : 2015-07-07
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Tue Dec 11, 2018 5:41 pm
I wish I could tell the girls from my eldest daughters class, who tell her she's ugly, and even create a whatapp group especially to make jokes about her being ugly, that they are spoiled, rotten little monsters. But all I can do is comfort and support my daughter and tell her to go to the teacher so she can sort this mess out... For yet another time... Kids are so cruel!
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Fri May 03, 2019 2:30 pm
Those little comments you make now and then are very hurtful to me. And hearing a few from your family is not helping - they are wonderful people but they need to mind their own business. The past few years have had their ups and downs and while things haven't been great recently, they are getting better.
I know opening up and being vulnerable isn't easy for you. But you saw how much closer it brought us together when you pushed past your fears the other day. You made mistakes and owned them and that's all I needed to hear. Just think where we will be in the future if these honest conversations continue and then you will no longer need to worry.
Things will fall into place at their natural pace but we have to work to get there. I was very patient with you when we first met...so please be patient with me now.
G0lden
Posts : 7833 Join date : 2012-06-26 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Wed May 15, 2019 10:19 pm
So you go and have all the supervisors ask who want Memorial day off. I had already asked the GM about it. I advised that since I take the bus to get to work and the holiday schedule sucks. So I get that squared away. Now word is we all have work, because no one wanted too. Duh it is a national holiday! So now I have to get to work an hour early just to be on time and wait another hour after I get off to get home.
God, I need another job!
___________________________________________________ Reese's, Kashmir's, and Tequila's mommy.
Embala
Posts : 16938 Join date : 2012-06-24 Age : 64 Location : Germany
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Thu May 16, 2019 2:14 pm
Seriously?! ...
Good luck and fast success on your "quest", G0lden! *crossing fingers and toes and whatelse*
Indem du etwas tust, das dir oder jemand anderem gefällt, erschaffst du bereits einen Wert.
Trollbabe
Posts : 1118 Join date : 2015-03-01 Location : In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:47 pm
I just can't hate anyone. I lost that ability somewhere between thirty and fifty. When I see a little baby, I don't think about whether he will grow up to be a serial killer. I see everyone the way I see little babies. So stop telling me whom I should hate.
Posts : 6160 Join date : 2015-04-17 Age : 35 Location : Right here
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Mon Aug 19, 2019 2:01 pm
Look at me! I'm quoting myself! wrote:
Once again I find myself worried for the life of a complete stranger… it's my weird relationship with cycling in a nutshell; I love the sport, but damn does it scare me sometimes! Damn does it break my heart. But is it too much to ask for just one season without anyone dying or getting seriously injured and ending up in a coma? Though I guess this is also why I follow the good stories so closely; to remind myself that sometimes… there is a happy ending.
Turns out, the answer to that question is "yes.." However, for the story related to this post, there was a happy ending.
Trollbabe wrote:
I just can't hate anyone. I lost that ability somewhere between thirty and fifty. When I see a little baby, I don't think about whether he will grow up to be a serial killer. I see everyone the way I see little babies. So stop telling me whom I should hate.
I agree! The way I see it a person either: 1: Has not done anything to warrant your hate. 2: Is not worth it.
Trollbabe
Posts : 1118 Join date : 2015-03-01 Location : In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:03 am
Briefly, hatred and anger are two kinds of emotional energy. The difference is that anger can be put to positive use. Hatred is useless and toxic.
As an example, imagine someone is murdered, and the killer is caught. It turns out that the murder could have been prevented: the killer got hold of a gun too easily, the killer was paroled early for another violent crime, someone knew the killer was making plans, yet said nothing, or an employer knew about the killer's violent tendencies and did nothing to protect the victim.
Survivors and loved ones of the murder victim might work toward changing laws. They might sue for damages, with the intent of preventing another occurrence. This is a positive use of anger.
They might instead follow the killer's trial in the news, and sit in the courtroom during the trial. In the case of capital punishment, they might arrange to attend the execution and try to take pleasure in watching the killer die. This is an example of wasting time and energy on hatred.
'We're all broken, in different ways, in varying degrees.'
Redhead Ember
Posts : 6160 Join date : 2015-04-17 Age : 35 Location : Right here
Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud Sat Feb 01, 2020 5:54 pm
Sometimes I feel like I've been living under a rock for an undisclosed amount of time. Media will be talking about famous people, and I'll just be over here like; "Who the fuck are those people?"
___________________________________________________ "When you do what you love best, you shine where you love."
Come play the Who Am I game!
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Subject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud
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