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 Things you wouldn't dare say out loud

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IceTooth

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed May 09, 2018 1:14 am

I just wrote a long letter expressing some difficult things I'd like to say to you...but I then remembered my mother's wisdom. Sometimes it best to write a letter about the things you know you can't tell someone, and then tear it up and move on.

So no record of me sharing some deeper feelings from my heart anonymously on the internet. Those things I can say to you, I will. Hug
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed May 09, 2018 4:00 am

Your mom is a very wise lady Icetooth.

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Startear

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed May 09, 2018 9:15 am

You are quite literally the grossest person I've ever known.

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Embala

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed May 09, 2018 1:56 pm

*echoes G0lden* ... and I like your mindset, Icetooth!

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Redhead Ember

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sat May 12, 2018 7:19 pm

I don't like the Israeli girl, she's too over-the-top...
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Prayer

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun May 13, 2018 11:18 am

I don't want to hear your gossip. It's rude to tell other people's secrets.

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The fruit of the spirit is love, joy and peace.
                                                                                   - Galatians 5:22
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The kingdom of God is within you.
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Sifra

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun May 13, 2018 11:54 am

Redhead I agree.

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Startear

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed May 16, 2018 7:33 pm

Honestly at this point I feel like the Nemi quote is an apt description of my family life. "Oh for fucks sake, we see each other as often as we can be bothered, and at this point it is a good thing."

Are you guys even aware? Of how my mom and I's relationship has never been this good? Since Christmas, I have only seen her twice. and though I groan at how she expects me to be in the know, and I am concerned about how the organizers of her club is letting her do this much work, I am thrilled. With our interactions being so low, she almost behaves decently.

And honestly, I don't even know how to interact with you guys right now. One of you treats me like you always have, but I have never realized that this was the cause of our adult tensions. The other treats me like a punching bag, you can't take what is coming for you. I'm faster and almost as strong.

And I remember. I do. Still don't know how to process this but I remember something you've forgotten.

And mentally I'm getting better. I am. And the ease of our interaction is due to me realizing these things, but damn if you guys aren't making it as hard as possible.

Gods, this got longwinded. I was just going to edit some mistakes in, but guess this needed to be written down. I'm done now!

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Embala

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Jun 10, 2018 9:17 am

Maybe I've never learned to fight. Never learned to loose. And get up and fight again.

Maybe I've just learned to back out before it becomes a fight. Give up when I've lost ... or before. And declare it "not important" (because one can live without it).

But what will happen to my little wishes and dreams when I do so every time? Learned to make wishes smaller and smaller. Makes them even less less important to fight for. Unimportant to wish for.  Learned that dreams are just irreal. Unnecessary. Unimportant. Stop dreaming. What will stay of my life when I do so - what other than mere existence? Eat, drink, dress, a bed to sleep and a roof.

I don't know how to fight. Didn't learn to loose ... because it's not loosing when I loose unimportant unnecessary things you can do without, right? Learned to never try again ... or not even try for the first time. Because unimoprtant.

I don't want to learn this. I don't dare to unlearn this.

I brabble ... (and no, I'm not drunk. not even tipsy. not at all.)

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Embala

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:03 am

@Embala wrote:
Eat, drink, dress, a bed to sleep and a roof.
I know this is MUCH ... when you have to fight for it.

Has it to be enough ... just because more is not essential?
Has it to be enough ... because there are too many people who have not even so much?
Has it to be enough ...

I have the essentials anyway. All this is quite self eveident for me. Going smooth. I even have much more. I can buy me things. I have friends. I should be happy and content. I am supposed to be happy and content. Why wishing for more?

It's not enough for me.

When there are no wishes and dreams anymore ... I'm dead. I'm dead while living a good and easy life.

It's not about that each wish must come true. It's about still having wishes ... without this voice telling me that it's not necessary. Not important anyway. And feeling me guilty.
Guilty ... because I want more.
Guilty ... because I've learned not to fight for it.
Guilty ... because I've failed when I loose.

I still dream. When I dream I'm always aware that this is a dream. Not real. Not important. Not necessaray. Dreaming ... instead of doing something useful. Dreaming is futile.

Somehow I've learned - taught myself - that wishes and dreams are wrong.

I KNOW this is WRONG ... a misinterpretation and misconception of things that were told to me.

I want to unlearn. Want to learn. I'm afraid to learn new ways. Too fatalistic to unlearn. And after all ... I have a good life, right? CIRCLES.


Thanks for this place to word what stays unspoken most of the time.
Because those who should be addressed are not allowed to bother. Or will not listen. Or will not understand anyway. Or - are not able to understand anymore.
And those who listen I love you need a break at times. Hug


... at least I'm much calmer now.

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PCoquelin

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Jun 10, 2018 3:37 pm

@Embala wrote:
...
And those who listen I love you need a break at times. Hug

awwwww..








DO feel free..



..to take a break, dear!...

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Embala

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Jun 10, 2018 3:42 pm

*hugs young Suntop* I'm fine ... well enough at least. Talking usually helps ... even without a defined recipient. Your pictures made me smile ... and your care warms my heart, dear friend.

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Last edited by Embala on Fri Jun 15, 2018 1:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PCoquelin

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:06 pm

@Embala wrote:
*hugs young Suntop* I'm fine ... well enough at least. Talking usually helps ... even without a defined recipient. Your pictures made me smile ... and your care was my heart, dear friend.


Friends are here to play together.




Usually, for me, a little Rammstein song, and..



..my headache disappears.

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Nibblet

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:38 pm

With two of the worlds most ridiculous hairstyles about to meet for the first time, I'm wondering if they'll act old the negative ends of two magnets and refuse to meet, or if it'll open up a wormhole and we'll all get sucked through it an end up in some alien zoo.

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Redhead Ember

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PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:51 am

Seems like they just reacted like regular magnets and become strongly attached to each other…







And how did I know just what you're talking about.
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