Father Tree Holt

Home to the Scrolls of Colors Family
 
HomePortalCalendarFAQRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Things you wouldn't dare say out loud

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10, 11, 12  Next
AuthorMessage
TrollHammer

avatar

Posts : 649
Join date : 2012-07-31
Location : O'er Der.....

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Tue Oct 13, 2015 4:12 pm

You're like a brother to me, your family might as well be my family. Why are you tearing it apart?

You dont like the way she wont take care of herself,you love her and dont want to lose her, so you decided to push her away? WTF? Everyone assumes you're having an affair with your coworker now, and so far you wont give me a reason not to think so myself, but I know you love your wife still, and she used to be the only one that would put up with your BS. You guys fit. Then you let this other person in, twist your thoughts back on you, and make you feel like the world's out to get you. That coworker had a history of causing a "hostile work environment", but you are taking her side against your wife? You spent the last 4 years bleeding, stressing, and working yourself to the bone, and because your wife didnt magically drop to a healthy weight 6 months after surgery, you give up? Thats not who you were a year ago. Now Im not sure if any part of you is who it was that I knew.

I dont know what Im supposed to think. You bark about her eating habits, when your's arent any better, and you smoke and drink excessively on too of it. You dont hold yourself to any kind of moderation, then take her out to eat at fancy restraunts and wonder why she doesnt hold back. You complain that now that you guys can afford insulin she eats cake... who got the brand new $2000 set of tires for your toy truck, buys who knows how many bottles of whiskey every month, and almost chain smokes cigars? She isnt going to habe any reason to moderate anything if no one else is around her.

And then you work. It started out as a way to make ends meet, and you worked hard because there wasnt an option, what with her medical bills and prescriptions. That hard work formed a company, and if you chose to you could hire a driver to replace you at this point and sit back and relax, enjoy your family, take vacations, manage the business. But no, its become an excuse to run away from home. Now see where it has gotten you! You set a standard of conduct and dress code in your business, let a member of the opposite sex come in and break those rules from the get go, make a half assed attempt at enforcing the rules YOU set, then set back and let her wear "boobie shirts" while she rides next to you for two day blocks of time... then say your wife is harrassing her for reminding her of the dress code? What are people supposed to think?

And now you're giving up. 20 years of marriage drop kicked because a spider crawled in your ear? Your brother got hit with his wife cheating on him and dropping him like he had the plague, and you felt that what his wife did was unforgivable, then turn around and do this 6 years later?

Family and important stuff aside, you do realize that a company ran jointly with your wife cant survive a divorce such as you are pushing for, right? Not only is she the rock and anchor that has kept you from self destructing all these years, but she was also the company's book keeper, schedualer, secretary, and pretty much any other job you couldnt be bothered with... she built the business as much as you did the physical effort. Dont give me that "Ill just buy her out" crap, you couldnt afford it, and I have a feeling your "copilot" thats supposedly doing all the planning for you now isnt really all that good of a worker when she isnt stirring the pot. She's a black widow just trying to cause as much havoc as she can, and will move on when it isnt fun anymore. Trust me, I've worked with people like that. I still do, and Im crossing my fingers and counting the days before his new job kicks in and he stops henpecking me. He's only happy when everyone else is miserable.

You remember how Grandma treated Grandpa?! The moment she finally walked away from making his life a living hell, she died of a literal broken heart. She moved out after getting caught trying to kill him, divorced him, took literally half of everything in the house, and sat in a box with her horde, her last laugh. 6 months later she checked herself into the hospital as her heart tore itself to shreds, yet still held on long enough for my dad to get a last glare from her. Your new coworker is the same way: These kind of people find people that are hurt and suffering so they can weave their way into their lives, manipulating things into ruin. I know if you and one of your friends switched places youd lay into them for being idiots... and now Im left with the hard decision: call you on this and risk the likely "Oh, so you're gangin up on me too?" or say nothing and watch the mushroom cloud take your sanity, your family, your business, and your happiness away.
Back to top Go down
Lunakat

avatar

Posts : 2762
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Tue Oct 13, 2015 5:25 pm

Dang. Even if that can't be said out loud-- maybe it should be.

___________________________________________________
afro flower afro 
Back to top Go down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnbYyTlz1Tw
Zadzi

avatar

Posts : 1275
Join date : 2015-07-11
Location : Always moving....

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Tue Oct 13, 2015 6:53 pm

I agree, that sounds like it really needs to be said.
Just hogtie him , duct tape his mouth, and let him have it.
Sometimes I hate the whole 'sit back and let people make their mistakes so they can learn on their own' thing. It can be incredibly frustrating. Maybe just state your case to him once so that you don't have regrets later.

___________________________________________________
Thank you for the beautiful banner, Embala  cheers

Back to top Go down
TrollHammer

avatar

Posts : 649
Join date : 2012-07-31
Location : O'er Der.....

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Tue Oct 13, 2015 8:44 pm

Yeah, I figure thats what needs done, but Im absolutely horrible with confrontation and cant string two thoughts together verbally. I could have done something in writing, but he's darn near illiterate, and I have the feeling th co-worker is intercepting and manipulating things. Might just have to make the 3 hour drive over his way, liberate my own tounge with a drink or two and let him have it. Immobilizing him would be easy: he has a bad back, so all I gotta do is hand him a shot and pretend to drop it, let him do the rest....
Back to top Go down
Zadzi

avatar

Posts : 1275
Join date : 2015-07-11
Location : Always moving....

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Tue Oct 13, 2015 8:48 pm

I get the impression he's easily led at times and that's how this 3rd party got involved. But if you talk to him long enough, he will listen. I feel he's going through a rebellious time though.

Sorry, I'll be quiet. This isn't any of my business.... but I do feel for you, Trollhammer.

___________________________________________________
Thank you for the beautiful banner, Embala  cheers



Last edited by Zadzi on Tue Oct 13, 2015 8:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Lunakat

avatar

Posts : 2762
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Tue Oct 13, 2015 8:53 pm

Maybe you could give him advice in a way that isn't confrontational?

___________________________________________________
afro flower afro 
Back to top Go down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnbYyTlz1Tw
TrollHammer

avatar

Posts : 649
Join date : 2012-07-31
Location : O'er Der.....

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed Oct 14, 2015 1:54 am

Zadzi wrote:
I get the impression he's easily led at times and that's how this 3rd party got involved. But if you talk to him long enough, he will listen. I feel he's going through a rebellious time though.

Sorry, I'll be quiet. This isn't any of my business.... but I do feel for you, Trollhammer.

You're good, no problems, that half of what this thread is for. Part of it is also to vent and to organize one's thoughts constructively. I think better in text, and having some feedback helps too.

Yeah, he's always been rebellious in spirit to varying degrees, and it changes forms. He is indeed also very able to be led for as stubborn as he is. We go wheeling from time to time and generally have each other's backs, looking out for each other. He can get liquored up around the camp fire, though, and will gang up on me if some attacks my choice in vehicle. At other times when we are with other kinds of people, he'll say how much he likes my jeep, how awesome it is, even defend it, but around certain people he doesnt respect, he'll flip and bash on my jeep. Very frustrating, and Im only a cousin, not a wife.

There are points in this whole thing I wanna just walk away, tell his wife she's better off without him, but it's not true. They need each other more than they know.


As to confrontation, Im not meaning to be combative about it. It is a confrontation, however, as Im not going to agree with him, pat him on the back, tell him good job, and support his decision. Im not going to be confrontational, though, just to have him throw a wall up. That is where I have trouble. I know full well how to be hurtful (something I recognized as an issue long ago and chose to never be that person again), and can be as opinionated and beligerant about my views as anyone, but I know that's not any way to get anywhere with trying to help someone. The problem is that all those things (and other arts of manipulation that I let go of when I saw them for what they were) are what I was raised with. I know no other way to handle these situations, and its hard for me to work through the nuances of getting passed mh own insecurities and doubts, form constructive answers to the points posed (by the person defending their actions), and otherwise feel like I can be a positive force in a problem. In short, Ive be described as having no spine, and to a degree its true, but not for the reasons those people think.

I have a friend I have joked about using as an example when talking to my cousin... this friend is the other person Id consider a brother, and he's made some choices as well that Im not happy with. In his case, though, he isnt turning away from his wife, but rather, supporting her in a self destructive way of life. In his case, though, many have called him on it and he stubbornly refuses to listen. I've even questioned him on these choices, to which he quotes a motto "happy wife, happy life"... I get where this comes from (I want to make my wife happy too), but letting her walk all over him, manipulate his relationship with his parents, and ruin his child (or rather, soon to be children, something we're thinking was a bad choice after seeing how things went the first time around) is not a good thing by any stretch of the imagination.

I could go on, Im still just venting because where else am I going to do it? Ignore all this, Im still just trying to get my head straight. I've got this crap going on all around me, and the only local friends are just as introverted as I am and clueless about how to handle it.
Back to top Go down
Trollbabe

avatar

Posts : 544
Join date : 2015-03-01
Location : In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed Oct 14, 2015 3:38 pm

Is it possible to stage an intervention? That involves multiple people agreeing on the problem that effects them all, then confronting the offending individual. I'm not sure exactly how it's done.

___________________________________________________
Back to top Go down
TrollHammer

avatar

Posts : 649
Join date : 2012-07-31
Location : O'er Der.....

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Thu Oct 15, 2015 3:31 am

I dunno. He'd probably be more defensive with more people. In a lot of ways he's like a rebellious teenager... maybe I should urge him to commit to the whole thing in a bit of reverse psychology?

Just got slammed with a reminder of something else that happened a couple of weeks ago... almost posted about it (and might have if my buzz hadnt worn off), but Id have to wonder if it would come back to bite me. Lets just say the poop storm doesnt end with friends and cousins, but tends to blow in the front door as well. Just one more thing to make me feel worthless.
Back to top Go down
Embala

avatar

Capricorn Pig
Posts : 6602
Join date : 2012-06-24
Age : 57
Location : Germany

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Thu Oct 15, 2015 3:36 am

You are not. NEVER. *hugs* Don't give in to this feeling, Hammer.

___________________________________________________

Indem du etwas tust, das dir oder jemand anderem gefällt, erschaffst du bereits einen Wert.
Back to top Go down
G0lden

avatar

Scorpio Buffalo
Posts : 3516
Join date : 2012-06-26
Age : 55
Location : Northern California

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Thu Oct 15, 2015 10:20 pm

I know I just returned from leave and just finished training for the new system. Don't get on my case that I am not on the phones yet. IT needs to fix my computer so I can see properly and not get tension headaches. Besides you are not even a supervisor anymore and IT was busy all day. I do have a supervisor and he knows exactly what is going on. Get over yourself.

___________________________________________________
Reese's, Kashmir's, and Tequila's mommy.
Back to top Go down
Trollbabe

avatar

Posts : 544
Join date : 2015-03-01
Location : In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Fri Oct 16, 2015 10:12 pm

You are not worthless - you are a TROLL - superior to Elves in every way!

___________________________________________________
Back to top Go down
Lunakat

avatar

Posts : 2762
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sat Oct 17, 2015 3:29 pm

You would totally say that out loud, Trollbabe!

___________________________________________________
afro flower afro 
Back to top Go down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnbYyTlz1Tw
Lunakat

avatar

Posts : 2762
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sat Oct 17, 2015 5:25 pm

I dunno, Trollhammer... that's a tough situation. I think you are going to have to trust your instincts to navigate it.

When I was teaching, I had a certain approach I employed when I needed to criticize something about a student's behavior or work. I would always try to compliment something about them-- or the paper-- before I addressed the criticism. For example.. "There's lots of energy in your writing, and really great enthusiasm for this project, but "the Other Side of the Pillow" by Zane isn't on the reading list for the class. You need to pick something else for your book report."

I think people are naturally inclined to shut down and block you out when you criticize them... but if you open with something positive or complimentary, they tune in-- and then they will continue listen even if you start giving constructive criticism.

___________________________________________________
afro flower afro 
Back to top Go down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnbYyTlz1Tw
TrollHammer

avatar

Posts : 649
Join date : 2012-07-31
Location : O'er Der.....

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Oct 18, 2015 1:41 am

I think Im gonna call him tomorrow. Im not sure how I can complement him on being a complete "dropped F" (or rather a dropped "OK" as referenced here). Dont get me wrong, Im generally one to be a diplomatic as possible, and in the end Id like to roll back the clock on the whole thing. After reading a few texts between his wife and my wife, its getting to the point the best I might hope for is a truce or temporary truce, and perhaps possibly get him to at least question his "coworker" with have a brain.

shoot, its getting to the point I have to hope he still has half a brain. He was a drinker and smoker before, but I have a quote from his wife that "he is smoking cigars as though they were cigarettes" and binge drinking whiskey. Its rapidly becoming a matter of point that it wont really matter if I keep his friendship if he kills himself.

Oh, and I did subtly prod him on one thing (subtle can work on him from time to time. He spends half his interactions subtly :S ) : his biggest argument is that his wife wont lose weight to live longer. I pointed out it might be more difficult to stick to moderation if no one else around a person is showing any moderation. He dropped the argument after that (and may have ended the convo soon after that, now that I think about it...) Didnt directly blame him, and hadnt heard about the increase in drinking and smoking. I went from the perspective that he has his vices and she has her vices, and he cant condemn her vices without giving up his own in support of it.

Anyhoo, probably will call him tomorrow. Ill see what I can dig up courage and diplomacy wise.
Back to top Go down
Lunakat

avatar

Posts : 2762
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Oct 18, 2015 2:45 am

You can compliment him on his willingness to love this woman and be faithful to her. He's trying hard to make it work-- and you could acknowledge that. And then move on to what you think he needs to consider.

___________________________________________________
afro flower afro 
Back to top Go down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnbYyTlz1Tw
Tenderfoot

avatar

Aquarius Rooster
Posts : 90
Join date : 2015-04-01
Age : 24

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Oct 18, 2015 2:24 pm

If I knew who you were and you were worth going to jail for, I would burn you alive. Not all of you at once, you don't deserve the mercy of that. I would dunk you in gasoline, one joint at a time, set fire to it and enjoy watching you burn, piece by worthless piece.

I would rip off your genitals and shove them up your nose, I would dunk them in gasoline and set fire to them as well and force feed you with them as I ram a sharp wooden or metal pole, ringed with barbed wire, up somewhere the sun don't shine and let you sink onto it.

I would enjoy it. I really would. Don't think for even the fraction of a second that I am joking - you would not live to regret it.
Back to top Go down
Kindredsoul

avatar

Posts : 1093
Join date : 2012-06-24

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Oct 18, 2015 5:34 pm

*grabs containers of gasoline and a box a matches*

Aw shit... For a second there I thought you were talking about my dad. I'll help you hide the body anyway

___________________________________________________
Compliments go to Embala for bringing a British cat and an American dog together via Photoshop!
Back to top Go down
G0lden

avatar

Scorpio Buffalo
Posts : 3516
Join date : 2012-06-26
Age : 55
Location : Northern California

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Oct 18, 2015 8:55 pm

We have the Diggins in Dutch Flat. No telling how deep they are.

___________________________________________________
Reese's, Kashmir's, and Tequila's mommy.
Back to top Go down
Trollbabe

avatar

Posts : 544
Join date : 2015-03-01
Location : In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sun Oct 18, 2015 9:04 pm

Lunakat is right about criticism and praise.

In a creative writing group, we were instructed to deliver "a praise sandwich" when critiquing others.  That is, we began with praise, continued with constructive criticism, and closed with more praise.

The extra praise was necessary, because many members were beginning writers with no formal training, and no published work. The group leader didn't want them to get discouraged.

___________________________________________________
Back to top Go down
Tenderfoot

avatar

Aquarius Rooster
Posts : 90
Join date : 2015-04-01
Age : 24

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Tue Oct 20, 2015 9:40 am

Kindredsoul wrote:
*grabs containers of gasoline and a box a matches*

Aw shit... For a second there I thought you were talking about my dad.  I'll help you hide the body anyway

We would have to hide many, so we can hide his as well Twisted Evil
Back to top Go down
Lunakat

avatar

Posts : 2762
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:04 am

You dick. You wouldn't even have this if it wasn't for me. Moron.

___________________________________________________
afro flower afro 
Back to top Go down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnbYyTlz1Tw
G0lden

avatar

Scorpio Buffalo
Posts : 3516
Join date : 2012-06-26
Age : 55
Location : Northern California

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:07 am

Tenderfoot wrote:
Kindredsoul wrote:
*grabs containers of gasoline and a box a matches*

Aw shit... For a second there I thought you were talking about my dad.  I'll help you hide the body anyway

We would have to hide many, so we can hide his as well Twisted Evil

Remember we have the Diggins out here. They go several hundred ft. straight down. No one would ever find anyone there.

___________________________________________________
Reese's, Kashmir's, and Tequila's mommy.
Back to top Go down
Kindredsoul

avatar

Posts : 1093
Join date : 2012-06-24

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:26 am

G0lden wrote:
Tenderfoot wrote:
Kindredsoul wrote:
*grabs containers of gasoline and a box a matches*

Aw shit... For a second there I thought you were talking about my dad.  I'll help you hide the body anyway

We would have to hide many, so we can hide his as well Twisted Evil

Remember we have the Diggins out here.  They go several hundred ft. straight down.  No one would ever find anyone there.

*approves this message*
Like Like Like Like Like

___________________________________________________
Compliments go to Embala for bringing a British cat and an American dog together via Photoshop!
Back to top Go down
Embala

avatar

Capricorn Pig
Posts : 6602
Join date : 2012-06-24
Age : 57
Location : Germany

PostSubject: Re: Things you wouldn't dare say out loud   Sat Oct 24, 2015 3:33 pm

Words are so hard for me again and my own contributions feel either irrelevant, poorly worded or like starting a fight for me. "Consider. Reconsider. Think about it twice, three times ... ten times. Think before you post - until there's nothing left to post anymore." These are my What-Ifs that keep me from acting, form posting ... from telling my mind.
It's what was part of my self as long as I can think back - and whatever progress I've made during the years on the Scroll of Colors was RESET in the last few months of the Original Scroll.

I'll try to help to get there and express more of my positive thoughts and feelings about FQ ... I want to. As strange as it may appear for those who knew me from the SoC ... I'm one of those who needs the encouragement and "safety" of the "love only" topic. At least for right now.

(Well, I've said it out loud, did I? Maybe it will help me  to see it written in letters ...) *is stupid*

___________________________________________________

Indem du etwas tust, das dir oder jemand anderem gefällt, erschaffst du bereits einen Wert.


Last edited by Embala on Sun Oct 25, 2015 9:22 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
 
Things you wouldn't dare say out loud
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 4 of 12Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10, 11, 12  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Things you wouldn't dare say out loud
» to make things short and sweet
» All the frilly things in life won't do it for me .. Kazana
» Truth Or Dare
» Things Muffy Would say

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Father Tree Holt :: Off Topics-
Jump to: