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 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Fri Jun 12, 2015 12:40 pm

So this was going on and thought, hey, why not make a thread of it...

@Trollbabe wrote:
I wonder if the Tree Elves can be tapped for rubber... It's be the first time an Elf was useful for anything.

To a degree all plants contain a small amount of latex, so I suppose they could, however I tap my Tree-Elf for maple syrup.

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Elwing

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Fri Jun 12, 2015 1:09 pm

I wonder if they blossom in spring... And bear fruits in autumn. They may be the most useful elves yet. This raises interesting questions about procreation. No recognition, just pollen and bees?
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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Fri Jun 12, 2015 4:31 pm

You'd think the Trees would give up The Birds and The Bees?

Also makes you wonder, if they do bear fruit, and another elf eats it, is it cannibalism, or just kinky considering the average ripe fruit is a swollen ovary?
(A song comes to mind... Peaches... and of course that opens a whole other chain of discussion...

Wonder if they burn hotter than a normal log... or does it qualify as a Magic Presto Log at that point?

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Sat Jun 13, 2015 1:34 am

Maybe like Ents and Entwives, with Entlings.

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Thu Oct 08, 2015 9:07 pm

I once convinced a Tree Elf that he could chirp like a cricket, if he rubbed two of his limbs together rapidly.

He did so, ignited a spark, and burst into flames. The Wolfriders saved him by instructing their wolves to do what they naturally do to trees.

It was hilarious.

I wonder if Tree Elves have shapers, and if so, what things can they shape? Since healers are essentially flesh-shapers (a power with which Winnowill experimented), would a Tree Elf tribe consider a tree-shaper a healer?

And since Redlance shaped trees into den-ridden holts, and twisted saguaro cacti for amusement, would the Tree Elves consider him akin to Winnowill?

Finally, since every time two far-flung tribes of Elves finally get together, there is a cross-tribe Recognition, what happens when...

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Thu Oct 08, 2015 9:38 pm

Wouldnt want to be a fly in that knothole...

Of course, it might be even more interesting if some of the tree elves are cacti... then recognize a Go-Back...

The tree elves that grow in the shade of my caves are bioluminescent with leaves sort of like a pitcher plant, attracting all sorts of bugs to provide them with protein. The funny thing about this is they empty the bug remains on the ground around them, providing fertilizer for their roots... Ive mused about this from time to time, these being the only creatures Ive seen that ingest their own excrement...

For all that, though, I find their fruit to be quite pleasant to eat. You gotta watch where you spit the seeds, though, cause they'll grow about anywhere, even underground. The bioluminescence allows the chlorophil to work without daylight, and they"ll choke the tunnels in no time flat, bringing the flies in...

Not worth the short trip for forge-wood.

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Lunakat

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Fri Oct 09, 2015 3:03 pm

I once ran into a grove of tree elves just hanging out in a circle, looking cool. They'd been standing around for days acting all aloof... so I set some termites on them. I thought it would be funny-- just to watch them wriggle and squirm. You saw the little baby Groot dance, right? I thought it would be like that. Well.. the results were not good. In short, don't do it. They will not appreciate the humor.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Sat Oct 10, 2015 2:15 am

There used to be a tree elf in the origional wolfrider's forest holt but it moved on.

Seemed it didnt like being the common urinal for the male wolves and wolfriders night in and night out.

So it moved over by the human tribe, figuring it would save some dignity there, but its stay was short as it ended up being Mantricker's favored urinal while he learned about the human's language.  The first words he learned had to do with urination as well, as the humans found the tree elf highly effective as a urination station.

So it left the forest completely, crossing the plains seeking someplace it wouldnt be saturated with urea and amonia.  It paused briefly near Blue Mountain before deciding it didnt like being the roost AND toilet for a variety of giant birds.

It finally met its demise... not in a shower of urine, but as a test stand for an early version of Two-Edge's forest cutter.  Unfortunately it fell asleep just outside the tree line of Forbidden Grove and stuck out as a volunteer to the Master-Smith, who wouldnt ha e meant it any ill will if he had know it wasnt just a tree.

He might have had second thoughts years later if he had known its true nature... he might not have found the rot-hollowed stump as comfortable a throne for his waste elimination. Instead he continued using it for over 2t years until it finally crumbled away.

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Sat Oct 10, 2015 2:18 am

Pssst! You are all aware that the Tree Elves aren't actually trees?
They're just shapechanged to look like them.
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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Sat Oct 10, 2015 2:22 am

(Yeah, but if they look like them, how would anyone know the difference? Looks like a tree, grows leaves like a tree, makes shade like a tree, has birds roosting in its branches like a tree... its a tree, as far as an observer is concerned!) XD

I once knew a tree elf. It was an odd looking spectical, always looking like its leaves were being struck by gale force winds... He had such bad alergies....

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Last edited by TrollHammer on Sat Oct 10, 2015 2:25 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Sat Oct 10, 2015 2:23 am

Well, I'm aware. But that poor woodpecker over there is a whole other story.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Sat Oct 10, 2015 2:27 am

How much wood would a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker could peck wood?

Of course, there is the running joke about guys having two heads... wouldnt tree-elves have two different kinds of wood?

(I better get to bed, Ive gone a bit silly...)

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Sat Oct 10, 2015 11:36 am

Termites actually became a fad at the local tree spa. Female trees could request a manicure or pedicure, in which they submerged parts in a vat of termites, to remove any dead wood. The result was a smoother, more youthful appearance and a reduction of knotholes and bracket fungus.

Trees figure prominently in Wolfrider legend. Shale fell from a tree, Cutter was born under a tree, the Wolfriders lived in a tree, they had chiefs named Oakroot and Goodtree, and they even referred to sexual intimacy and cohabitation as "treeing." Wolfriders don't burn much firewood, since they eat raw meat, and they use only small amounts of wood for tools. An alliance between Tree Elves and Wolfriders seems inevitable.

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Tue Oct 13, 2015 2:06 am

A story once gave me an idea for a craft project....

I laid a nice trap for a Tree Elf, placing a thick compost laced with fertilizer in a nice sunny field near a larch (I know it was a larch because I graduated from Monty Python's school of identifying treees from quite a long ways away.)

Then in the dead of winter, when any sensible tree has dropped its sap into its roots and gone "asleep", I quickly whacked off a branch before it could get away.

I then carefully carved a marionette from the chunk of branch, but noted trouble when its nose didnt start growing. I kept working anyway. I made sure that the arms and legs remained attached at all times but flexible with some creative carving.

It didnt come to life as expected, so I figured maybe it wasnt finished and kept working. I hollowed out the back, and worked in a bit more carving wizardry and made it into a ventriloquist dummy with a moving mouth and eyes... still no dice.

I added fingers and toes, some flair to its nose,
some brows over its eyes and took a few pounds off its thighs.
I dressed it with hair, as red as I dared.
Blousy sleeves and shorts to its knees.

But it wouldnt run or play, it wouldnt come or stay.
It wouldnt say silly things or shake a bell that rings.
So with a sad heart I gave up and went out into the dark,
And returned the wood to the tree where it stood.

And then ran back to my cave too fast to rhyme
The irate tree followed and made good time.
But I made it back to the cave that I had,
And saw why the tree was so greatly mad.

For while the Elf wouldnt mind to have offspring of its own,
This wouldnt have been a method he would have chose.
In the dark I hadnt been able to tell, but once before the tree had been a he,
But Im sorry, but in my rush I couldnt reach any branches much higher than his knee!

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Trollbabe

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Tue Oct 13, 2015 1:13 pm

LOL!

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Tue Oct 13, 2015 2:17 pm

Oh my god.

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Embala

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Tue Oct 13, 2015 2:37 pm

Shocked ... rofl Poor tree!

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Wed Oct 14, 2015 4:40 pm

Personally, I'd like to make a tree-elf-bark canoe, with tree-elf paddles.

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Thu Oct 15, 2015 3:07 am

Lol, the tree elf would be up a creek without its own paddle.

I've been curious about making tea from a tree-elf's leaves, but Im concerned about dandruff in my drink... what do you recommend?

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Tue Aug 23, 2016 5:47 pm

lock in a humid cellar
add mycelium
.
.
.
WAIT.

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:41 pm

In 3 or 4 months, I intend to hire one for the holidays as a very-much-living Christmas tree.

Once he's been draped with silver, gold and all my other tree-bling, I'll have the only tannenbaum on the block that shouts "Bitch, I'm fabulous!" and lip-synchs to '70s songs!

My holiday parties will be talked about for yeeeears, dahling...
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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:01 pm

Like

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Thu Sep 08, 2016 10:04 pm

I wonder if Jack Pumpkinhead of Oz, form the Oz books I read as a child, could live among the Tree Elves? And what would they make of the Ents from "Lord of the Rings"? Or the Whomping Willow from the Harry Potter books?

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Fri Sep 09, 2016 4:03 pm

Cousins

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PostSubject: Re: 101 things to do with a Tree Elf...   Fri Sep 09, 2016 4:13 pm

Roll in the furs/leaves.
Just ask Skywise Wink Nightfall Redlance SMile
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