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 The Tree and Lobster

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Kindredsoul

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri Apr 24, 2015 12:58 am

DON'T MIND ME I'M JUST SPAMMING LIKE MAD THROUGHOUT THE SITE SINCE I WON'T BE HERE ALL WEEKEND TO DO SO!!!!!!!! *dashes back out*

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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri Apr 24, 2015 2:06 am

Watches with amazement as Kin. dashes in and out of the thread.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Mon Apr 27, 2015 1:46 am

* shuts door on thread before Kin can leave*

YOU SHALL NOT LEAVE!!! At least not without a plate of hot cookies...

Lets see, the number for MFGEF... Ah, there it is, *dials*

*listens to the voice prompt*

...lease listen carefully as the menu options may have changed. If you know the 21 digit extention number of the department press the pound sign. If this system has not automatically detected your language correctly, press the star key. For accounts payable, press 2. For ticket preorders, press 3. For a list of available services, press 4. For no particular reason, press 5. For those that would rather not press 5, press 6. For a complete and exhaustive directory of departments, please connect your charger, pay your phone bill, and press 7. If you would like a shorter list, press 9 and hang up after listening for 5 minutes. Whatever you do, do not press 8. If you would like to speak to a live computer system, wait on the line or press 0....
...
...
...
...Welcome to the Artificial Live Voice Interactive Narrative, or ALVIN. Please state your request clearly...


Schedual a visit to the gardens.

...did you say "Pedestal of illegal token pardons?"

No.

...please recheck your spelling and grammar, and try again...

*This goes on for some time, across several voice prompt systems in three different accents and five dialects of 27 different languages, three hang ups, 45 minutes on hold, and finally a Google voice server, who kindly thanked me for my time and noted that sessions at the gardens must be schedualled online with a month's prior notice, visits could only be schedualed two weeks in advance, and there was a three week waiting list.*

*Undaunted, and at the helm of a time traveling starship, I bounce around temporally making the proper preperations punctually per prerequisite, polishing a pretty penny by pure pressure of pink paper as a preferred pastime. Completing the aforementioned tasks,I flipped the final switch and floated into the docking port, ramps lowered to disembark.*

Here's the place. Meet me in one hour at the Golden Garden Gates.

*myself in tow, with a bag over his head*

I thought you said youd let me go!

Sure, I can let you go... out an airlock... out into space... into a sausage grinder... into the waiting arms of authorities... into a prison cell... to the bathroom... Theres plenty of places Id let you go... If youd prefer, I could let you go to the hospital?

*the sack-for-hat merely grumbles*
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Mon Apr 27, 2015 3:52 am

Watches Hammer appear then disappear, all the while grumbling about phones trees and how they are becoming completely unmanageable.

Golden Garden Gates. One hour. I'll be there.

Watches Hammer leave with his hooded doppelganger. Hooded form mutter something about being let lose. Hammer muttering about how to dispose of him.

Shakes head and goes to get ready to meet Hammer in one hr. Finally some new plants.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Mon Apr 27, 2015 1:02 pm

*Arrives at the garden gates*

You're in luck, G0lden, I got a special pass for you. Anything you see that you want, you can have up to 5 of (roots, bulbs, stems, buds, or however it is replicated), with the exception of the rarer species that there are less than 5 of. So, if it has 5 of them, you can have at it!

I also whipped up a portable teleporter I call "Midas 4.3". When worn on the wrist like a watch, whatever you touch with that hand is logged and transported to the ship in a holding area, to await your further ministrations. You then can submit the log to the Garden Checkout and they'll send you a bill. I haven't gotten direct deposit set up with it yet to do auto billing.

I'd designed it for booze shopping, but it'll work with plants. It has a few built in safety features that'll keep you from vaporizing yourself or others, and as an added feature, if you're even in a shootout, just hold your hand up in front of you and any offensive material that comes your way will be tranferred to the hold. And I do mean any offensive material: propaganda packets, middle fingers, howitzer rounds, annoying people... Sure, you have to sort all that stuff out in the hold later on, but the log will hold up in court if you decide to sue.

Have fun! I'll be in the mushroom gardens, cause, you know, I'm a fun guy...
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Tue Apr 28, 2015 12:12 am

Takes teleporting device from Hammer. I'll see you in a few hours. I got some lilies, rose, and medicinal herbs to check out. Have fun with the mushrooms Hammers. Oh and find out if there are any new varieties for eating or healing in harsh climates.

There are a couple of worlds out there that Galactic Assembly would like put new life forms on and they would like to start with plants to see how things go.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri May 01, 2015 12:09 pm

And now a word from a company the TnL sponsers... Galapedia

...Earth plays a small role in galactic affairs, occasionally broadcasting something entertaining, but otherwise has little value and is hardly what one might consider a tourist trap. More recent broadcasts from the planet are even less likely to contain anything of value to the galactic community, and it has been several hundred years since any origional ideas were discovered by any indigionous species inhabiting that star system. There has been only one impact on galactic culture that Earth can lay claim to, and that is a slang/layman's term for an intergalactic parasite.

The parasite, formerly referred to by a variety of generic terms for unwanted pests, is the species "aquarius electrophylius anthromorphi. This was, of course, too difficult to say easily to be clear, and terms such as "vermin", "parasite", and various other generics were to vague considering the large quantity of other pests that might infest a spaceport.

The creatures are relatively large for space parasites, being roughly eight centimeters in length, but have the curious distinction of being able to walk on all four or the two hindmost legs in much the same manner as a biped, and this is the method they are most often observed. They are also distictive in that they are hairless except for a small patch of white fur on top of their heads. This, and other traits had earned them a derogatory "little blue men" description, but this had fallen out of use more than a century ago after the war with the cyan colored people of Vespa Six.

After a series of broadcasts of an animated series from Earth, however, , the parasites quickly became known as "Smurfs", and this term is presently in use, as it is not a known reference to any other known real species....


I posted this quote to drum up business for Galapedia, but also to help explain what I found when I went back to the ship to drop off my mushroom spore prints and grab a few stiff drinks...

Smurfs have overrun the TnL TARDIS!!!
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri May 01, 2015 12:33 pm

Sigh.  First Tribels and now Smurfs. Wonder how fast the damn things reproduce.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri May 01, 2015 12:54 pm

Considering they grow in population according to the energy they consume... and they are gnawing on the power couplings of a TARDIS... and when I left to come tell you I couldnt tell the difference between it and the blue police box sitting next to it...

We could be digging them out of random places for a while. Since they arent an organic life form and they can live in the cold vacuum and hard radiation of space, few pesticides do much to them. Sure, I squished a few with my hammer,diced a few with my knife, but it really didnt do all that much to them.
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Sun May 03, 2015 6:12 am

Sigh here we go again. Looks over orchids that will sent to the TARDIS. Wonder if I should worry about the plants that are being sent over.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri Oct 16, 2015 5:21 pm

*looks over the inventory*

Well, when it was all said and done, they munched away half our power reserves. Fortunately, these energy reserves were in the form of some special "contraband" booze hidden under the captain's bed, and were the only thing known to kill them. I dont think he'll miss them, havent heard from him in a while.

Normal energy stores are just fine, pantry is stocked, weapons and ammunition are good to go. We appear to be in such top notch shape the TnL took off on its own for parts unknown. Who's along for the ride?

*starts setting shots and peppermint cocoa out for the crew and passengers. A bell dings, and a fresh batch of double chocolate brownies are ready for any who want one.*
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri Oct 16, 2015 10:46 pm

Just let me know what we need to re-order. Got to keep the crew happy with plenty of booze.

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Trollbabe

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri Oct 30, 2015 10:45 pm

*appearing in doorway* Trick or treat!

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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri Oct 30, 2015 11:03 pm

Point Trollbabe in the direction of a large barrel full of candy. You can also get your drink at the bar. Nice costume.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Sat Oct 31, 2015 1:08 pm

*fades in, hovering*

"BOO!!!"

"Ya got yer treat, here's the trick! *activates the trap door in front of the barrel*

At the TnL at Halloween time, its Trick AND Treat.

Of course, as the TnL is a time traveling bar, does that make it potentially always or never Halloween?
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Sat Oct 31, 2015 10:09 pm

Depends on how you look at it or how drunk you at the time.

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Trollbabe

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Sun Nov 01, 2015 3:20 pm

I'm in the USA. We have Daylight Savings Time, which ends today. It's a primitive form of time travel.

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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Sun Nov 01, 2015 3:35 pm

Well the TARDIS, travels through time and dst to sdt from your world wouldn't matter at all. We just pick a time and we are off.

With that being said. If there is anything that you need or favorite item, booze included. Just let me know, as the first mate I have to make sure all of those on the TARDIS are happy and well cared for. As for the captain, keeping him completely drunk at all times seems to work best. In fact I don't every recall his ever being truly sober, but he becomes more accident prone when he doesn't have enough alcohol in his system.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Wed Nov 04, 2015 12:17 am

*looking at a viewscreen*

That is, usually the intent is to punch in a time into the TARDIS, and theoretically away you go, but I think our TARDIS is missin its Captain... I havent seen readings like these since I snuck onto the Doctor's TARDIS after it had been [s]abandoned[/s] neglected for a few centuries in a closet in the basement of a ill-kept sewage treatment plant on speculon 6.

It took a month of persuasion to keep that TARDIS's matrix from deleting itself, and that turned out to be just a delaying tactic... the only thing that saved it was the reappearance of the Doctor, whereupon I was ejected into the dark nether-region of the universe as it was 13 billion years ago, nary an atom of anything heavier than helium to try and cobble together anything to save myself....

Bottom line is, if something isnt done soon to locate the Captain to entertain our TARDIS, I fear the TnL will be left without the means to travel "there" and "then"...

Any ideas on where to find him?
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Wed Nov 04, 2015 1:12 am

Yay, I may have a way. You do realize he moomlights as a store manager from time to time on a little planet called Earth. I guess he does it because the employees scare him to death.

In the meantime, let me know what co-ordinates we need to go on a gambling trip. I have full access to the helm.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Thu Nov 05, 2015 1:28 pm

Not really in the mood to manage magical money machines, could just send a teleporter and some monkeys to each casino and pipe the other end of the teleporter into the ship's [s]bank[/s] hold...

...then go on an adventure involving a faraway time and place, causing and solving havoc. Perhaps start with trying to find monkeys that wont steal the Captain's cigars?
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri Nov 06, 2015 1:02 am

Or his hat. By the way have you seen it?

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Fri Nov 06, 2015 4:01 pm

Not since I saw the captain... and that seems like a bar and a half ago....
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G0lden

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Sat Nov 07, 2015 1:17 am

Sigh, got to go and order some new ones. That was his last one. Probably should get a case of the things. The hat maker already has is measurements.

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TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: The Tree and Lobster   Sat Nov 07, 2015 9:41 pm

Hmm... I guess theres been more havoc on tamer trips that seeing a hatter mad enough to measure the captain's head... Im game!
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