Things you wouldn't dare say out loud

[insert sweary rant here]

Doctors suck

Mom, Dad, why are you making me sacrifice my mental and physical health when having five noisy, smelly, slovenly boarders is also stressing you out? You know they won't look into low-income housing and will only give the bare minimum of rent to justify not getting evicted.

Look, I get that most of us are related. I get you don't want your grandkids to be homeless or in a less than ideal housing situation. But we're all reaching our limits and you know it, and I've run out of things to break.

One of us is going to snap, and it's likely going to be me, and then you'll have to send me to the mental hospital like you threatened to do years ago. Let's see if Medicaid covers that.

There IS low-income housing in town. It IS in an okay place. Make it happen before we all lose our minds.

Dear sis:

You had nearly everything you wanted, and you ruined it -ruined your family- because you didn't have the ovaries to say to your boyfriend "This isn't working, honey, we need to fix it." Now you get to live in a nice room in the hotel you work at, and the rest of us are picking up the pieces you left us with. Okay, yes, I wanted you and your family to move out, but not like this. You weren't supposed to go and create a ruin.

Was it worth losing custody of the children you claimed to love? Was it worth losing the man who loves you more than anything?

Was it worth losing ME?

You're my twin, and I like you. But right now, I really f---in' hate you.

Get your s--- together, for gods' sakes. This is f---in' ridiculous.

Lunakat wrote:

Okay-- my dog is, officially, not the brightest bulb in the pack.

I got three that are not the brightest bulbs at different times.

Multi-Facets: that all sounds pretty bad. Family can drive you crazy sometimes.

Multi-Facets... I doubt this is any consolation, but I totally feel your pain and frustration when it comes to screwed up family issues. *tight hugs* But please always remember this... please make sure to take care of yourself first, ok?

Always believed you can love your family, but that doesn't mean you have like the people that they are.

Hang in Multi-facets, it will get better some way and some how.

Thank you, everyone. I'm still in the anger stage and trying to cope, but I do have two short vacations coming. That's helping me keep my head above the proverbial water.

Multi-Facets: I hope you enjoy your vacations!

My little rant: I don't know what you do with those children but they smell aweful! The first months I knew them they smelled like little walking, talking cigarettes, and now there's a sickening chemical smell to them. Every time they've been in my house my couch stinks for the next 24 hours. Ugh!!

I wish you wonderful vacations, Multi-Facets, relaxing for mind and recovering for body.

There'll be much of rest and relaxation on the second vacation, Embala and Sifra. So much of that. I'm really looking forward to all that peace and quiet. (The first vacation, I'll be running at a million miles an hour, as it's a convention in Denver and I'm hosting my very first panel, but I'll be having a blast anyway.)

Anyway, to put this back on topic:

Hey, Bro. (You may as well be my brother-in-law, so you're Bro now.) I know you love my twin. She's your best friend, the mother of your two children, and if you two were in a better place financially, you'd propose.

But I'm really afraid she's going to try to drag you down with her, no matter how much she says she's trying to make things right, no matter how much you're able to help her. If I were you, I'd make a clean break and focus on helping yourself and your toddlers. It'd hurt like hell, yeah, but honestly, it might be the only thing you can do.

I'm sorry.

I want to help those people, but I don't know how.

This isn't working out the way I hoped it would

You can't solve everything. You see yourself as an benevolent angel when in truth you're a fucking vulture. Descending down to eat and use my misery to make yourself feel better!

I thought you were my friend.

I'm so tired of all this. Sometimes I want to quit.

I hate you for still having so much power over me after all these years.

This is a confession.

Yes, I decided I need to confess this thing. Mostly because I need to stop doing it. It's something I've done for years. I want to say I have a problem with this-- though I'm not sure what the problem specifically is about. But I don't want to say it to anyone I know in my daily life...yet I ought to say it to friends. So I'm saying it to you guys.

I have a problem with sticky fingers. It's not really a big deal. I've never done anything that bad. But I sort of have a history of shoplifting. I keep thinking I'm not going to do it again-- but then I do it again. And I'm not sure why I do it. I don't know if it's compulsive or just... easy. It's always really small things-- and I buy stuff so it's not as if I don't give the story money. I just add... you know. Some really small thing.

Is it because I'm cheap? Is it because I have lax morals? What the heck?

When I was younger, I used to trespass. It was sort of the same thing. I would just walk into a place I shouldn't be and see if anyone noticed. Once, we swam in someone's swimming pool when they were on vacation. At other times, I just walked onto a studio lot or into some area of a place that I wanted to see that was closed to the public. The most extreme (and fun) thing I did was convince my then boyfriend that it would be fun to hop a fence and explore a train museum at night (it was outdoors). It was fun! Until a guard chased us through the trains. And even then, it was still fun to get away.

So maybe I just like breaking rules. I mean.. I definitely have always liked breaking rules. But I think I need to stop doing this. Because I'm too old. I'm supposed to be a responsible adult, and I'm not acting like it. And the bottom line is, if I ever get caught, it wouldn't be a good thing.

FWIW it does hurt stores, not just because of the cumulative effect of other people doing the same, but the headache for those who control inventory, and the ever-so-slight reduction of a department's sales quota.  The biggest damage, however, will be to your reputation and record when you get caught.

Just my opinion, but as you are otherwise a good and decent person, I think this compulsion is something that calls for professional counseling.  I don't see it as being any different from cutting yourself, or being a functioning alcoholic.  While it's not on par with suicidal depression, you are compulsively putting yourself in danger.  If you were to simply not steal anymore, just as you don't trespass anymore, I suspect you would subconsciously find some other Russian Roulette habit.

Please, see your doctor and ask them to refer you to counseling.  I don't want anything bad to happen to you.  I don't want you to be stuck with a self-destructive habit that is keeping you from being happy.  Counseling will not only help you break this habit, but it will help you face the root of the problem, whatever it may be.

Hugs!

I want to eat your goddamn face off for not giving me a clean apology. Don't blame me for being emotional after being disappointed when you screwed up. It's not my fault you feel guilty and then defensive. That's on your head. That's your problem, not mine. I'm not going to be your baggage check-in stand.
Just own up and shut up.

@ Lunakat - I used to have sticky fingers as a teen. I got pressured into it by a friend who loved to shoplift. I hated it and eventually stopped.
But I can't excuse laughing when I read about your shenanigans. That's right up my alley.
I like breaking the rules too. After being really good and really helpful to everyone, I just go into this mode of IT'S TIME TO DO MY OWN THING, BITCHES!

You seem like a pretty creative person. As far as breaking the rules go, maybe there's something to be said for risk taking. How it feeds some of us. I know it feeds me.
I think fun is sacred. Don't laugh. I really do. Feeling alive is everything. Maybe that's part of what this is about. I don't think it's just about breaking the rules.

Oh crap- I should never had written that down! But okay. Maybe Trollbabe is right. I did used to do some fairly directly and overtly self destructive things when I was younger (like, clearly self destructive), but I thought I had stopped that long (long) ago. Maybe I didn't. I think I did always look at what I did... you know, rule breaking stuff... as shenanigans. But maybe it's actually always been just a variation on being self destructive?

Crap. Now I have to get down with my bad self and like me. Crap.

Okay, well. Now that I see that, I will have to not do it next time.

Actually-- hopping the fence and roaming around trains at night was pretty awesome. I'm not taking that one back.

Please do whatever you need to do to stop this habit, Lunakat. You know it yourself - if you will be caught it can cause serious damage for you, your reputation and life.

We want you safe and happy ... I want you safe and happy. Good luck!

I agree with Embala, Lunakat. It's time to see a counselor or therapist or something, if possible. Work out why you do it and formulate ways to stop it. I'm seeing a therapist myself for issues at home because I want to get better. And like Embala, I'm sure we all want you to be safe, and happy, and out of trouble that could be dangerous. Please consider it?