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kathleen3.0

kathleen3.0

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Join date : 2015-03-26

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PostSubject: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptySat Aug 22, 2015 12:36 pm

to cherish what remains

The Sun Village collapses in on itself ten thousand years ahead of schedule, and the Sun Folk retrace their ancestor's route, to settle near a forest, on a patch of ground recently regrown after a fire. Within the woods, however, the Wolfriders watch the strangers settle in, and wait.
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Lunakat

Lunakat

Posts : 2792
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptySat Aug 22, 2015 4:30 pm

Ah- I read that! I didn't know you wrote it!

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kathleen3.0

kathleen3.0

Posts : 411
Join date : 2015-03-26

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptySat Aug 22, 2015 4:32 pm

I sent you a link in my last email didn't I?

What do you think?
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Embala

Embala

Capricorn Pig
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Location : Germany

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptySat Aug 22, 2015 5:13 pm

*blinks*

Question *blinks again* ....

I must ask Kindreadsoul to change that greygreen link color into something more eye catching - if passoble ... Rolling Eyes

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Lunakat

Lunakat

Posts : 2792
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyMon Aug 24, 2015 9:18 pm

It's really well written. You have some really lovely lines in there. I also like the logic of it-- everything makes sense. And I noticed how you flipped around some character roles-- having Rayek tell Leetah Scouter's line to Dewshine from book 3-- or giving Nightfall's line "I won't live in fear" to the Sunfolk. I liked the way you described the shift of attitude in the SunFolk that helped them to decide to cross the desert. I even liked how Cutter and Leetah's relationship played out in reverse. It was sweet.

I'm not sure it seems plausible, though-- that the SunFolk would leave the woods to return to the desert.. (am I wrong? That's how it ends, right?) They had nothing left there. Why go back? And I don't know that it's practical to think the babies could be raised partly with Cutter's people and partly with Leetah's-- given the difficulty of travel. I would have expected them to just settle in the woods.

Also-- I know that you were subtly weaving in the grief over Shen Shen's loss-- but I think that could have been more clear and pronounced. I would have expected Leetah and her parents to have a moment to grieve. But then, I also would have expected at least the SunToucher to realize that she was still alive. I get that the others would not have been able to because they don't know how to send-- but isn't he able to sense that sort of thing? Who knows.. maybe not.

It was a really good story overall. I loved reading it. Thank so much for a very good slice of alternate universe. I'd be thrilled if you continued it-- but this is also a good place to stop if you choose.

Thanks for such a lovely story gift for the rest of us!

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manga

manga

Posts : 921
Join date : 2015-03-25

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyTue Aug 25, 2015 10:27 am

Thank you, Kathleen, for putting that up on AO3! Now I can read it on my Kindle. ^_^
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manga

manga

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyTue Aug 25, 2015 1:05 pm

Kathleen, I'm not done yet and I have to tell you this is freaking brilliant. I love it. While I agree with Luna that the lack of direct response to Shenshen's loss is a little off, I just adore what I've seen so far with Rayek and Leetah. I liked when you talked about him being willing to fight monsters to keep her from tears but not knowing, really, how to let her have them. And then the reversal where he seems more part of the Sun Folk in these new circumstances and she is the one who is precious but separate...! I could kiss you. Smile
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manga

manga

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyTue Aug 25, 2015 7:37 pm

Done now. Please, ma'am, may I have some more? I want to see Shenshen and Osek finding the new village. I want to see the raid to free Ekuar.

I really enjoyed the way you echoed the original story. Smile
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Stargazer

Stargazer

Cancer Cat
Posts : 195
Join date : 2015-03-25
Age : 57
Location : England

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyTue Aug 25, 2015 10:34 pm

I just read this on AOOO, but I didn't realise it's yours. I loved it - i was just saying to my daughter how good it was to see some well written, new EQ fan fiction because there isn't much out there. And I'll echo Manga...more please!
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Zadzi

Zadzi

Posts : 1375
Join date : 2015-07-11
Location : Always moving....

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyTue Aug 25, 2015 11:24 pm

Still reading, but I just wanted to say: This is some gorgeous writing. Just stunning.

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Zadzi

Zadzi

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyWed Aug 26, 2015 2:45 pm

I've finished reading it, and I love it! I do agree about the part with Shen Shen being a little strange, like it needed elaboration when it was first mentioned. It didn't seem to register at first what happened to her. But it didn't bother me, I loved it all...I really love the spin on this 'what if' tale, the way it switches Cutter and Leetah's initial reactions to recognition. I actually loved all of it. I want someone to illustrate it so it can be a comic, because there was some wonderful imagery in there.

One minor quibble: Did the Sun Folk know about trolls? Because when they were first mentioned by Cutter to Leetah when he pointed out the whistling leaves, she just rolled with it and said nothing. I kept waiting for one of the sun villagers to go, What in the World Of Two Moons are trolls?

Otherwise...LOVE ! It reads like there's a new installment coming, with Shen Shen / Osek. I like that Shen Shen is having her own journey... I also really love what you did with Rayek, by the way. He's still brooding, a puzzle, etc., but he's not a completely arrogant prick...he manages to be complex, with an edge, and yet remains compassionate.
Also, I love the part when Leetah was healing Redlance and it's her healer's POV detecting the difference in blood. It made me aware of how totally alien the Wolfriders are in comparison to other elves, but made me aware of it in a more visceral way, if that makes sense.

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Thank you for the beautiful banner, Embala  cheers

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manga

manga

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyWed Aug 26, 2015 4:18 pm

And I want to see Rayek's little sister wreaking havoc on him. Rayek Devil
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Lunakat

Lunakat

Posts : 2792
Join date : 2014-03-15
Location : On a rooftop, contemplating the moon

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyWed Aug 26, 2015 9:18 pm

I second the motion for more! If you are feeling it.

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TrollHammer

TrollHammer

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyThu Aug 27, 2015 2:06 pm

I have been trying to figure out what to say about this story since shortly after I started reading it. Its an amazing piece of writing, capturing the essence of the characters and the world of two moons. It feels natural: this would be what would probably happen if a couple of natural events changed here and there. The detail is full and not overwhelming, and I could see the story play out in my mind's eye well, flowing without jumping around inexplicably.

The story itself is nice to follow, reminding me of characters that were in the background of the original story to the point I dont recall noticing them, but many were brought to life in this version (one was literally brought to life, Osek, and if you write more it will be interesting to see how you develop his character and give him personality, since he is only referred to in the original series). The wolves in this story are more alive than in the comic: I could actually feel them and empathize with them much more than in the OQ (where they seemed more like personalized vehicles than kin to the wolfriders or decendants of Timmorn, and this mostly has to do with how Leetah was handled. Whereas Cutter is the focal character in OQ, Leetah takes the spotlight here in a true reversal of things.

I also like how the events were mirrored without being so glaringly done so. It took me a moment to reread the scene with the plains-cat attack to really figure out what was going on (slight glitch, but considering the character's POV there isnt much better way of doing this), but the event doesnt read like a mirroring ("so and so does this and that happens" == "counterpart does same thing and has same thing happen"). It stands on its own, like the rest of this story. Should someone who knows little to nothing about EQ stumble on this, they should still be pulled into the story without wondering what's going on, for the most part, at least not much more so than the characters in the story.

Thank you for sharing this, it was a delight!
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kathleen3.0

kathleen3.0

Posts : 411
Join date : 2015-03-26

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptySun Sep 06, 2015 3:17 pm

I just wanted to let you guys know I haven't been feeling well lately. For the first time in my thirty years I've actually been prescribed an inhaler! But I've been reading your comments over and over and hoarding them, lol, I will respond more detailed soon.

Just a sort of blanket response now, though, yes, there will be a sequel, no, the Sun Folk have not returned to the desert(for now), I realize the grief over Shen Shen is subtle, and thats because they're all in shock.
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Startear

Startear

Aquarius Goat
Posts : 482
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Age : 29

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyMon Sep 07, 2015 7:02 am

I didn't really feel that the grief over Shenshen was too subtle. I read it more as being overwhelmed with so much death and destruction, and how both Leetah and Rayek kept themselves so darn busy to not feel that.

I loved this story, Kathleen.

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Thanks to Embala for the lovely banner! The quote belongs to Scooter.
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manga

manga

Posts : 921
Join date : 2015-03-25

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyMon Sep 07, 2015 7:18 am

I'm sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well, Kathleen. I hope you feel better soon.
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Embala

Embala

Capricorn Pig
Posts : 11567
Join date : 2012-06-24
Age : 60
Location : Germany

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyMon Sep 07, 2015 3:48 pm

Be well soon, Kathleen. *sending good thoughts and well wishes*

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kathleen3.0

kathleen3.0

Posts : 411
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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyThu Sep 10, 2015 11:25 am

@Lunakat wrote:
It's really well written. You have some really lovely lines in there. I also like the logic of it-- everything makes sense. And I noticed how you flipped around some character roles-- having Rayek tell Leetah Scouter's line to Dewshine from book 3-- or giving Nightfall's line "I won't live in fear" to the Sunfolk. I liked the way you described the shift of attitude in the SunFolk that helped them to decide to cross the desert. I even liked how Cutter and Leetah's relationship played out in reverse. It was sweet.

I'm not sure it seems plausible, though-- that the SunFolk would leave the woods to return to the desert.. (am I wrong? That's how it ends, right?) They had nothing left there. Why go back? And I don't know that it's practical to think the babies could be raised partly with Cutter's people and partly with Leetah's-- given the difficulty of travel. I would have expected them to just settle in the woods.

Also-- I know that you were subtly weaving in the grief over Shen Shen's loss-- but I think that could have been more clear and pronounced. I would have expected Leetah and her parents to have a moment to grieve. But then, I also would have expected at least the SunToucher to realize that she was still alive. I get that the others would not have been able to because they don't know how to send-- but isn't he able to sense that sort of thing? Who knows.. maybe not.

It was a really good story overall. I loved reading it. Thank so much for a very good slice of alternate universe. I'd be thrilled if you continued it-- but this is also a good place to stop if you choose.

Thanks for such a lovely story gift for the rest of us!

I'm using the excuse that everyone from the Sun Village is in shock or survival mode, and they don't have the leisure for grief. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

I think Sun Toucher would have been too overwhelmed by what was happening to sense it. I mean, there was a huge overflow of trauma, they all did the best they could under the circumstances of being a Bronze Age society, but that was really all they they could do. Poor things.

And I'm sorry the story gave the impression they returned. They didn't, but they did go back to the new village. I think Leetah is homesick for her old home, since her old home, to her, isn't just the village, but Shen Shen and happiness.

It actually isn't practical for Leetah and the kids to travel back and forth. Part of the next story is Leetah trying to decide where she wants to be, and experiencing life on both sides. I'm also trying to explore the world of the prehistoric abode, and maybe we'll meet some new elves.
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kathleen3.0

kathleen3.0

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyThu Sep 10, 2015 11:29 am

@manga wrote:
Kathleen, I'm not done yet and I have to tell you this is freaking brilliant.  I love it.  While I agree with Luna that the lack of direct response to Shenshen's loss is a little off, I just adore what I've seen so far with Rayek and Leetah.  I liked when you talked about him being willing to fight monsters to keep her from tears but not knowing, really, how to let her have them.  And then the reversal where he seems more part of the Sun Folk in these new circumstances and she is the one who is precious but separate...!  I could kiss you.  Smile

Lol, thanks, it's all part of attempt to give Rayek what I felt the original quest Rayek needed, a few friends(actual friends, not love mates, or father figures) and a good smack upside the head. And I wanted to address how he and Leetah were sort of doomed by mutual inability to to communicate from the start.

The sequel explores Rayek's new life(and friends) in a bit more depth, including making friends with a certain wolfrider and exploring a different side of the world.
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kathleen3.0

kathleen3.0

Posts : 411
Join date : 2015-03-26

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyThu Sep 10, 2015 11:31 am

@Stargazer wrote:
I just read this on AOOO, but I didn't realise it's yours. I loved it - i was just saying to my daughter how good it was to see some well written, new EQ fan fiction because there isn't much out there. And I'll echo Manga...more please!

Lol, I wasn't sure if I wanted to advertise it. I left some unfinished projects on the old forum, including a collaboration, so I felt a little ashamed.

Thank you, I'm writing the sequel, but it's longer, and my keyboard is broken.
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manga

manga

Posts : 921
Join date : 2015-03-25

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyThu Sep 10, 2015 11:32 am

@kathleen3.0 wrote:

It actually isn't practical for Leetah and the kids to travel back and forth. Part of the next story is Leetah trying to decide where she wants to be, and experiencing life on both sides. I'm also trying to explore the world of the prehistoric abode, and maybe we'll meet some new elves.

The sequel explores Rayek's new life(and friends) in a bit more depth, including making friends with a certain wolfrider and exploring a different side of the world.

I can't wait to see these!  *happy dances*
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kathleen3.0

kathleen3.0

Posts : 411
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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyThu Sep 10, 2015 11:48 am

@Zadzi wrote:
I've finished reading it, and I love it! I do agree about the part with Shen Shen being a little strange, like it needed elaboration when it was first mentioned. It didn't seem to register at first what happened to her. But it didn't bother me, I loved it all...I really love the spin on this 'what if' tale, the way it switches Cutter and Leetah's initial reactions to recognition. I actually loved all of it. I want someone to illustrate it so it can be a comic, because there was some wonderful imagery in there.

One minor quibble: Did the Sun Folk know about trolls? Because when they were first mentioned by Cutter to Leetah when he pointed out the whistling leaves, she just rolled with it and said nothing. I kept waiting for one of the sun villagers to go, What in the World Of Two Moons are trolls?

Otherwise...LOVE ! It reads like there's a new installment coming, with Shen Shen / Osek. I like that Shen Shen is having her own journey... I also really love what you did with Rayek, by the way. He's still brooding, a puzzle, etc., but he's not a completely arrogant prick...he manages to be complex, with an edge, and yet remains compassionate.
Also, I love the part when Leetah was healing Redlance and it's her healer's POV detecting the difference in blood. It made me aware of how totally alien the Wolfriders are in comparison to other elves, but made me aware of it in a more visceral way, if that makes sense.

I'm going to be honest, I almost didn't say what happened to Shen Shen at all. I kind of wanted to leave it completely blank, and let the reader try to figure it out, but common sense won out in the end.

I've read some other firs dealing with a role reversal. I'm not sure who it was by(I think lunakat?) but there was one where Leetah's lack of soul name was portrayed as emptiness, which intrigued me. and I did want to deal with Leetah's agency in the original, so she could have this internal conversation with a little more sense. if you think of it, her revulsion to the idea of having kids, knowing they might die, knowing Cutter WILL die, makes sense. But I felt like we didn't see enough of it.

The Sun Folk learn more about trolls in the next instalment. Leetah was in the middle of a bacterial epidemic, and I don't think it registered with her. And it would never have occurred to Cutter that she didn't know about trolls, since as far as he's concerned, there have always been trolls, and there always will be.

Shen Shen's journey is interesting to me. I actually am trying to intersperse it with other people so I don't get too invested in it. And Osek plays a part in getting places, but he's very mysterious, so we'll have to wait and see what happens.

Yeah, I love OQ!Rayek. His later instalments were some ridiculousness, but he WAS this complex originally. He was interesting, and, in some ways, sweet. I really feel like if he'd had more friends, things would have gone better for him.

And yeah, if you think about, not know the backstory to the Wolfriders, the whole thing is messed up and freaky. I think to an immortal like Leetah, the closest analogy is finding out that your next door neighbour will die at age twenty.
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kathleen3.0

kathleen3.0

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyThu Sep 10, 2015 11:50 am

@manga wrote:
And I want to see Rayek's little sister wreaking havoc on him.  Rayek Devil

Well, Rayah is a little sister, but actually, she's not a havoc wreaker. I wouldn't do that to Ingen and Jarrah twice, lol.
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manga

manga

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PostSubject: Re: to cherish what remains    to cherish what remains  EmptyThu Sep 10, 2015 5:46 pm

Well, there's havoc and there's havoc, Kathleen.  Rayek has had a deep desire for children for a long time. She's not his child but she is his sister. I can't imagine him being unaffected. Rayek Devil (Besides, what if she took Rayek's analytical bent and applied it to horticulture? They might even discover irrigation!)

It'll be interesting to see Leetha's response to Rayah and Rayek's relationship. Some teasing is definitely in order! Think she'll teach Rayah to call him "Rawa?" Wink
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