so just kinda felt like getting this off my chest....my and my boyfriend have been together 8 years, this last august. it's an accomplishment, but the huge thing is this entire time, it's been long distance. i live in florida, him in north carolina.

things have changed since we first started dating...we both changed, some for the better, some for the worse...but we stuck through it, all the argument and troubles and issues. whether it's stubborness, true love, or fear...or some combination of all three would depend on the perspective of whom you ask.

when we first started dating, the first few years...he told me he had never really thought of getting married. considering his family background, i get it. he deeply loves his grandparents, who are like his actual parents to him, and they are not married, though they've been together decades. his mother and father were likewise never married...so obviously marriage is not a big thing in his family. this made me...well anxious to say the least because i've always wanted to be married. but i decided to wait, and see what the future held...because sure who hasn't heard of the stories of guys who want don't want to get married, but then change their mind? i still had hope..and if it came down to it where he might say he never wanted to get married, well...i'd have to probably steel myself to walk away.

but the years went by...and eventually we just kinda started hypothetically talking about what it'd be like to live together, spend our lives together...have kids, so forth. it just became more and more natural, until it got to the point we kinda knew we'd eventually be living together. when i came to visit him, i cannot TELL you how many people asked when we were going to get married or when we were going to have kids! cue me blushing and laughing, and him mentally facepalming. but goodnaturely answers of "We don't know"

then a few years later down the road....he said something that surprised and pleased me to no end. he said that we pretty much were already married, just without the ring and paperwork...which is true. we act very much like husband and wife. me more like the wife...scolding and cautioning him, warning him...yelling at him to take care of himself and stop pushing himself so hard. him the husband in putting up with my copious mental issues. we sometimes talk in future tense, and whenever he does that, he always introduces me as his lovely wife.

lately though in the past year...the butterflies abound in my stomach. a few months ago, he casually said he had been looking at engagement rings. cue the shock and nervousness and excitedness. and wondering, when might he propose?

and again tonight...with perhaps the vaguest hints of nervousness, he asked me a hypothetical question. if he asked me to get married right then and there the next time we saw each other, and just did the paperwork, would i do it? i admit i took a moment to think about it, and try to settle the butterflies in the stomach. i asked in all honesty, would we be able to do the ceremony at some point in the future? because yes, ever since i was a child, i've been dreaming of my wedding day...i'm old fashioned in a few senses. he said he didn't see any reason why not, so i felt perfectly comfortable telling him i wouldn't have a problem doing that.

then the thing that kinda bothers me....i asked him if he could at least make the proposal a bit romantic...at least i could get that right? he kind of sighed at that. and...well i think i told him the least he could do is ask me properly. i mean i've been waiting for years to be able to get to the point of proposal and marriage...i like to think i'm pretty liberal and modernly minded, except for a few things.

yes i want a proposal, but i don't need a diamond ring. i don't care what the engagement ring looks like, i'm more concerned with the wedding ring i'm going to wear for the rest of my life. and i would like it if he did something special, a bit memorable for the proposal...because we've been taking our time to make sure we would actually last in a marriage, and not end up divorced. so this will most likely be the only time i'll be proposed to.

yes i want a ceremony with the white dress and reception. but i don't want a religious ceremony or one very long...he's expressed quite often and fairly plainly how boring he finds weddings, which kind of hurts me a bit..i keep trying to tell him we can keep it fairly short, but he says he's still going to be bored. how can i be more excited when he seems...not so?

and yes i want to follow the no contact before the wedding...i know the reasons behind it are old fashioned and not applicable, but i am a bit superstitous...

so ups and downs. per usual for our relationship. tried googling this, but damnit...most things are "proposal=marriage" but nothing covers a scenario where the boyfriend wants to get married, but doesn't seem to want to do the proposal part!