Divorced Parents Advice?

So...as the title says i need advice. My parents got divorced this year...and it was a fairly sordid affair.

It began in March when my mom called the sheriffs and had my dad Baker Acted. When they were escorting dad to the car, my dad kept telling my mom "it's over, i want a divorce, we're through". He refused to speak to my mom while he was in the hospital, for two or three days.

Afterwards...dad i guess wanted to do something between pretending it never happened and talking about it. But mom had decided to go through with divorce and had moved out about two weeks after this happened.

It'd be obvious what happened here, had it not been for the fact mom later admitted she'd been having an affair with s coworker since the start of the year. When she got her own place, he left his wife(yup he was married too) and moved in with my mom.

Now ever since, i've been stuck in the middle and i don't know how to stop it or get out of the middle. I've tried telling and asking them to stop putting me in the middle but it seems to be impossible for them to talk without fighting and playing the blame game.

I know my dad is largely the one guilty of putting me in the middle. He insists i read an email or text that has passed between them or look at a paperwork, even when he's told me what was basically said. If i try to refuse or ask why i have to look, he gets very angry and yells about how fine i won't help him, or i don't understand and he wants to show me.

He's constantly asking me to tell or ask mom things because he can't do it, either because he doesn't want to or mom has him blocked at that particular moment. He's constantly going on about how she did him and me wrong, she walked out and abandoned us, blah blah blah...

This morning was a new level. I got up to get a drink of water, and he tells me if my mom shows up even with the police, they are not allowed in the house. Nevermind mom's name is still on the title and such, SHE walked out and they're divorced now and we're living here and she's not so she has no right to be here.

The reason this happened is because we are gathering things together to sell as much as we possibly can in an estate sale because we have to move because we cannot afford the mortage, but dad has told me explicitly not to tell mom because it's not her business. Mom is convinced he's trashing the house and leaving her a wreck to deal with, despite the fact i've told her as close to the truth as i dare: we are organizing and tidying up. Her stuff is safe and in this or that room...except things i can't telk her because dad is selling them,  like the dining room set or most of the bedroom furniture.

Dad will leave first and i'll be here two weeks longer, and after he leaves mom can freely come here without fears of a confrontation but that doesn't seem to be good enough for her.

I don't know how to handle him. I've tried walking away from him and the conversation but he just follows after me and keeps going. I bite my tongue and say nothing or just okay,  but he keeps droning on. He only gets angry if i try to be realistic or logical. I try to refuse to do things and he throws tantrums.

At this rate, i can't wait to move out...but i was hoping maybe you guys could offer advice, something i haven't tried yet. Or do i just grit my teeth and count down the days til he leaves?

Simply put Vaeri take yourself out of the middle. Refuse to cover for dad, read emails, etc. He is a big boy and needs to act like the adult he is. Tell him, you will tell your mom what is truly going on at the house. She has a right to make sure her belongings are not sold out of spite. If dads throws a tantrum leave if you can and tell him to call you when he is ready to act like an adult. Here is one thing to consider, their divorce agreement may not permit him so just wily nily sell items in the house. There maybe a stipulation of what can be sold, so by not telling your mom what is going on you have put yourself in the middle.

In the meantime for you. Tell both of your parents you love them dearly but each of them have done things to one another as well as you and you don't care for their behavior. Remember you will always love your parents even if you dislike them as a person. Divorce for adult children is I believe much harder than the younger children.


My parents are actually in new marriages as well. My mom is in her third marriage and my stepdad, his second. They have been married for 46 yrs. My real father went through four wives and in never truly lasted, sadly he passed alone. I was lucky in regards to holidays, my parents never fought over where my brother and I would spend them. Sadly I was only able to see my real dad only once a year and that was not necessarily my mom's decision either. My real father was to busy trying to be a kid rather than a parent.

Mind you this is from a child's prospective but I hope it can help you out a bit.


Any future holidays are yours to decide not theirs.

I really try to refuse but he just keeps pushing and pushing. Unfortunately leaving is not an option yet as i lived with my parents up to this point. The best i could do is retreat to my room and lock the door to keep him from barging in, but this will only make him angrier and i'll have to listen to him yelling through the door anyway. I have no where else to go yet.

Mom took her pick of items when she moved out.

Unfortunately yeah i did put myself in the middle...either tell mom and royally piss off dad or don't tell her and risk pissing her off. It's a rock and a hard place...but i'd rather live in relative peace and not have my dad pissed at me.

Vaeri from what I've read you are perfectly clear about not wanting to be in the middle and your parents are just acting like little children. I hope you can move out soon. I've been in a similar situation and I moved to another town. It is hard to remove yourself from your family's drama but it's for the best, also for them because they are adults and they have to clean up their own mess.