A proper introduction, and an apology.

About my former life, "Kelethian"...

I last posted to the Scroll in like 2009, I believe. Those.. were terrible times for me. I apologize for the way I was, especially since at the time, I did not fully understand myself due to a combination of factors. That was before I had taken biochemistry, yet after the dark recesses of the Internet got to me... propaganda sites declaring peak oil doom and gloom and other, less savory things probably originating in Petersburg.

If no one can forgive me I understand totally.

Fast forward a decade. I got a degree in biochemistry (cannabinoid system), got on the wrong side of academic politics because my advisor and biochem professor sided with the federal government, nearly got pushed out of school and denied graduation, went underground with my knowledge, nearly got killed in the rave underground, became a DJ at one point, and then finally got fed up with Atlanta's lack of progress and shoved everything into the back of an old Blazer to chug across the desert to a place that is anything BUT Sorrow's End. Oh, it resembles Tushita - ask the local temple - ... except for everything south of the 10 that looks post-apocalyptic and may as well already be "The Boneyard" from Fallout.

The reason i sought this forum out again is because after years of believing that suppressing my talents would lead me to some sacred plateau of "normal" where id have everything my parents had, I accidentally cracked myself back open again with a breathing exercise somewhere around the winter solstice. Its taken me a bit to get accustomed to having chakras the size of dinner plates again.

But that wasnt the end of it. Just like the first time i started meditation back in 1998, I just couldn't get enough of it! And i found some things.

1) I had the idea of who i was all wrong, probably identifying too strongly with my father which as part of the whole pattern is this warrior-caste type... and i had ignored that none of my traits matched this, that....

2) instead, I was the kid who took up meditation, talked of other worlds and his home being elsewhere, knew how to "go out" to these places, and at one point taught his friends to do so. Along with other things such as fogging up the freezer at the chicken shack, whereupon my coworkers dared me to melt ice in my hands.... which I did.... and then there's the time where I got the harebrained idea of channeling energy while dancing, which saved me a lot of money, trouble, and possible brain damage.

2) My doctor informed me that none of the above is abnormal and that in his religion such abilities are considered truly sacred unlike what Western doctors had been telling me since childhood, most of whom were of a grumpy, secular, my-people-have-lost-all-faith-and-so-should-you stripe.

And then, it happened. Somehow, I had never been exposed to Saint-Exupery's work before, probably because I was born in an area with way too many poisonous snakes known as "Florida". It's still remarkable because my mom studied French.

Upon reading that story, a chain reaction was initiated which had me pinned to the bed barely able to breathe for the Kalpa-long trip down memory lane. At least that's how long it felt. Ive heard of going out.... but that was more like going inside-out.... at one point i sensed myself as just an energy field that was in all actuality what was causing my heart to continue beating.

When I came out of this, I felt like someone had just pushed a huge reset button. No drugs were involved unless you count the DMT generated by INMT in the lungs, which is one of the scientific reasons besides HIF that pranayama works.

"Welcome to the pack!" once more, Sorandril.

I'm serious and was equally serrious the first time. All I've intended by adding your old screen name was to let you know that I remember.

Embala wrote:

"Welcome to the pack!" once more, Sorandril.  

I'm serious and was equally serrious the first time. All I've intended by adding your old screen name was to let you know that I remember.

That can mean two things.... honestly, i should be expelled from humanity for the things i said about the way to get rid of HIV. I believe such talk, in your home country, would get me shot without trial as a Nazi. and i would deserve it, for ever even ONCE listening to the words of eugenicists and tribalists that were most likely Russian spies on the internet. In fact, because of that, i fully blame myself for the current crisis in my nation.

Im going to Naraka for a very long time after this, folks. I failed at what i was supposed to be and now the world is going down the drain because of it.

We don't have a habit of shooting anyone for saying something inappropriate, Sorandril. Not even for doing such. Neither Nazis nor anyone else.

Admittedly I understand less than half of what you are talking about in the threads. I'm not educated in the teachings, techniques and vocabulary you mention.
There's on thing I firmly believe in, tho ... one thing I know: As long as people can learn and change to the better nothing is lost!

The world has been lost.

Sorry to say.

I must now look at this as the big long "Game Over screen" of my life as i watch everything die.

Im so beyond frustrated about the world situation that i find myself increasingly leaning towards violent Trotskyism as the only solution at this stage what with fascism re-emerging in the country that supposedly defeated it. Imagine a world where anyone who is found to be racist is brutally killed. Seems to be the only way humans learn lessons is through fear....

Im also starting to wonder if we really are different from Pini's humans, and if were just doomed to a Holocaust every 80 years because of sharp instincts that scream for blood in the back of a humans head. I lost friends because i thought we could be like Pini's elves... a lot of them... and i am left tired and shaky.

I see it like the turning Scrolls - a small change can start a completely now thread of colors.

We learn, Sorandril - not as fast as I'd wish for. But we learn ... fail ... and learn again. Like a toddler learning to walk. I want to blelieve that we learn fast enough in the long run. World will change - - it will hurt and bleed and heal ... but it has proved that is don't die easily.

*offers a hug* *in case you need and want*

Yes. Contrary to what people have been told by mass media to assume about me, i want to be hugged, especially by women

"Awareness" has gotten to the point where laypeople think they have a Ph.D in psychiatry to diagnose people with autism for whatever they see as socially "off", introversion and meditation included.

As it is now known that Hans Asperger was a fascist looking to enslave the intelligent children for the Reich, i reject the label wholesale and assume, with 80% accuracy, that the person flinging the label around is a red-hat wearing fascist. The other 20% of the time its a leftist who has had too much therapy and in addition to believing they can diagnose, believes that ADD and autism are superpowers which is so beyond incorrect it isnt even funny.

And if the West wants to label yogic abilities like mine as some sort of disease, it speaks volumes.

"I sat down [facing a sleeping] couple. Between the man and the woman a child had hollowed himself out a place and fallen asleep. He turned in his slumber, and in the dim lamplight I saw his face. What an adorable face! A golden fruit had been born of these two peasants..... This is a musician's face, I told myself. This is the child Mozart. This is a life full of beautiful promise. Little princes in legends are not different from this. Protected, sheltered, cultivated, what could not this child become? When by mutation a new rose is born in a garden, all gardeners rejoice. They isolate the rose, tend it, foster it. But there is no gardener for men. This little Mozart will be shaped like the rest by the common stamping machine.... This little Mozart is condemned."

— Antoine de Saint-Exupery, "A Sense of Life: En Route to the U.S.S.R."

*hugs and holds*

Welcome.

I don't hug, though.

I'm not shy: I'm contagious.

PCoquelin wrote:

Welcome.

I don't hug, though.

I'm not shy: I'm contagious.

Whats contagious?

No one told me Suntoppiness was contagious! Is that how i really taught my friends astral travel???