Things you wouldn't dare say out loud

Yes, you're a fabulous co-worker!! But you don't have to text me over every little thing you do on my day off!  
I know I'm your supervisor, but I didn't need to know you were ironing scarves today

It's nice that you are paying us hazard pay, but not if I'm doing two people's jobs.

To my customer, that was the call from hell. I'm sorry that your large balance wasn't processed correctly. I know you had to go through high risk verification and the other rep screwed up, but geez lady stop trying to go off on another tangent. I'm sorry I had to put you through the process a second time when you called me. Sorry you had such a long wait, but I like to do my job correctly. Every time I checked in with you while I was waiting for another department to answered the phone, you wanted to go off the deep end about how you were treated. I had to cut you off just so I wouldn't lose the other department. Then once I got your issued resolved, you still wanted to continue to complain. Hate to tell you this I can see all the notes on file. You were never on the phone for eight hrs. It was more like four hrs. I however was dealing with your issue for more than one hr. So please in the future have some patience.

Consciousness is a Curse Edition:

So we've been friends for nearly eight years and have lived together off and on for half of that and now my feelings for you have grown very...inscrutable. When the world locked down and we sheltered together in our apartment with our cat I was happy and free from fear and didn't miss my then-boyfriend at all.

I came to the realization that this is what I want, every day, for as long as I'm allowed. You and I with our assorted pets, together in a house somewhere in the woods maybe, or even a garbage apartment akin to the one we live in now. I just want to be with you, indefinitely. I don't think there is room in my heart for a romantic partner, because my heart is crowded with you.

I've said this to you, with that high laughing false voice I use when the thing I'm saying is too uncomfortable to be said seriously. It's a joke, hahaha! Wouldn't it be funny if we were married? Hahahaha! Please don't hate me!!!

Existence is difficult and I would like to hibernate.

Your new position has changed you. Sadly, for the worse. I understand your under a buttload of stress, as well as horribly stressed in your personal life.

Which is why I rarely bother you about a thing.

I've been nothing but understanding, compassionate, and empathetic to your situation.

I now take on 6 to 7 days a week so I don't have to bother you about needing help with shifts.

I never complained that I didn't get the promotion promised to me (due to Covid), yet you did.

I've done nothing but brag about you, or defend you when need be.

But you snapping my head off over the ONE TIME I asked for help over something that was not my fault is unacceptable.

The other job offer I received elsewhere is looking mighty tempting right now.

to everyone who feels in need of a HUG


Some would say I feel too calm. Today was the memorial ceremony for a deceased friend. It was a beautiful appropriate closure - so very fitting for her. But I feel strangely uneffected - distant. I know one day when I expect it least I'll cry for her.

While the "last gift" I got from her today (indirectly) felt so overly touching - two little words which almost made me cry. Life is weird. Emotions are weird.

I'm so sorry Embala. I wish to return your kind hug with interest!

Also yeah, emotions are weird. There really ought to be a manual for this stuff. Or at least a helpline one can submit a bug report to.

*chuckles* Love the idea of submitting a bug report! ^^

hugz, Embala.

Funerals are for the living, Embala. Nobody expects you to contribute the right amount of the right emotion.

Trollhubby found it annoying that people expected him to show visible grief when his mother passed.

Attending the funeral of a teenage boy, I had to bury my face in the shoulder of the mourner next to me because I couldn't stop laughing. I understand this isn't unusual.

Tears, like rain, arrive on their own schedule.

Hugs.

Thank you *group hug*

This sounds familiar, Trollbabe.

You are a dishonest, lying four letter word that starts with a letter I will not mention. I've never in all my 30+ years in the customer service industry come so close to cussing out a customer. This entire problem existed before I had your account and one of your wonderfully stupid consultants asked me one day if I could look into it as my predecessor had been unable to figure it out.

And me, always wanting to help, always being that "can do!" guy I said I'd do it with a smile. I spent around 20 hours in the first week alone working on this project. I talked to a good friend who lives and breathes this technology and he gave me some new tools to help narrow the issue down.

And I found it, documented it and presented to your group and my team. It was something that would require specialists and programmers to resolve and was way above my pay grade, but I was able to corroborate your findings. I went above and beyond for something your consultant said "was just a minor issue" and oh boy did it come back to bite me in the ass.

We were standing by to talk to your specialists and get the ball rolling. But you ignored my emails for weeks and then months on end. Finally your consultants told me to just forget about it. That was almost 6 months ago and nary a word about it since. That is until last week when you dredged it out of Davy Jones' Locker (and quite possibly your butt) and said that we'd promised to fix the issue in the past and then dropped the ball and never followed up.

Your consultants are a couple of lying nitwits and they fed you a bullshit story about how I was unwilling to help. Do you have any idea how many hours I put into this project for you? And I think you are only lying to cover your own ass since you are responsible for your consultants and they are both pretty much useless. I think the real icing on the cake is when one of our most talented specialists asked me to describe the history of the problem and you cut me off and said that you knew more about the issue and didn't give me a chance to speak.

I could have done the same and put you in your place. But I know our Sales team is trying to make a deal and they are busy kissing your butt and all of the butts higher up the totem pole. So I held my tongue, and you're lucky I did. Your information was out of date and full of errors and half-truths. Lady, you were on one call for this entire project...ONE FUCKING CALL for an hour where all you did was sit there and twiddle your thumbs. I was the one that re-opened this old issue. I was the one who spent hour after hour testing in my lab to confirm that this issue really existed. You didn't do jack diddly squat, and you know it!

I have documented evidence to back up my work and my attempts to work with your team. All you have is your lying BS story, so perhaps that is why you are clinging to it so tenaciously.

But guess what? I know something that makes me smile. We spoke to your boss a while back and he told us that you're being replaced in the near future. Perhaps you already know this and that is why you are acting like an assface, but either way, it doesn't matter. You're on your way out, and that's a good thing.

And all of those snide comments and emails about my lack of knowledge just make me smile even more. And you wouldn't shut up about your "20 years in this field" and kept talking me down like I was some kid who was fresh out of college. Lady, I've been in this field just as long as you, probably a little longer. I may even be older than you. So take your 20 years, and shove em' up your ass!      

Ok...feeling better. Whew.

Oh.. I had so many episodes just like that, or even worse, IceTooth, all along my career..

I feel sorry for Icetooth but I had to laugh at the image of a totem pole of butts.

Thank you for the kind words folks.

Hmm...a totem pole of butts...that sounds like a fun art project.

You could accomplish this with any number of materials.  For example, an indoor version made from stretch material, stuffed with polyfill, hand-stitched, tied and glued to a stick mounted upright on a base.  Crafters used to use pantyhose for skin-tone material.

A more complicated outdoor version would be cement pieces moulded in plastic bags, held together by an upright galvanized rod.

The most labor-intensive work would be ring-shaped pieces carved out of different types of wood, for a variety of colors, then threaded onto a hardwood dowel and mounted on a stand. Think of a baby's ring-stacking game, with the rings being the interlocking butts

Here's the best I could do with my concept and a standard computer imaging program.

XD

I certainly wasn't expecting this!
A butt-totem-pole design discussion!

I just read that Adele got a shit storm for her bikini photo. I thought it was because she put her boobs into the Jamaican flag but no, it was because of her hair-do. I wish someone could explain that to me but I dare not ask because I might raise some kind of shit storm upon myself.

Wow...hadn't logged in for a while...I had no idea my "totem pole of butts" had encouraged such a lively conversation.

I like the concept art! However, I would be worried about possibly offending any Native peoples with such a thing.  

However...there is that one tribe whose legends and lore might warrant such a totem pole. From what I have read, their belief system includes a powerful diety known as the "God of Farts" or the "Farting God":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matshishkapeu

I think if anyone would appreciate a totem pole of butts, it might be these folks.

IceTooth, that is a good point. Totem pole might not be the best term to use.

BTW on our last trip to Costco, we picked up a new item, a box of Japanese sweet bean jelly cakes. My husband ate his first one and was instantly transported back to his early childhood in Japan. (Military Brat.) These odd-looking confections would make excellent butts if stacked on a shish kabob skewer.

Of course, any competent bakery could also make a butt-stack cake for the right price. Perfect office breakroom treat.

I voted for the Constitution candidate last Presidential election, but I am probably going to vote for Trump this year.

Biden's race-baiting commercials just pushed me in that direction.

I am getting sick of hearing that I should vote for Biden because Trump is worse.

I am even more disgusted with people who question my character if I don't vote the way they want me to vote.

I am not going to support the party that left my husband and I in the mess we were in when Trump was elected.

I am not going to vote for the party that wasted time and resources on an impeachment effort.

If you can't accept this, don't preach to me about diversity and acceptance.

I won't preach about diversity and/or acceptance.

But you are going to vote for a compulsive liar who made the US the laughing stock of the world, who first denied Covid-19, then made fun of it, promised it will magically go away and now the US is one of the world's worst hit countries by the novel coronavirus.
You are going to vote for a misogynist who uses and abuses women and who denies his daughter Tiffany the love a father should give.
You are going to vote for someone who made friends with the enemies of the USA and alienated his most loyal allies.
You are going to vote for a social darwinist who is going to scrap social healthcare for the poor without having any plans other than for the rich.

I don't question your character.

I question your sanity.

And I'm not just worried about you and the USA. Your vote might contribute to make the world a worse place. Generations of people all over the world have looked up to the States as a role-model, a better place, and if the USA degenerates to some sort of divided former colonies which will be looked upon as the playground of a narcisstic former TV-show host, it will be your vote which might have added to it.

Think again. What do you want your country to become?