Rant Away Please

Here's my take on this. What was this mother thinking! It's her child and she should be been making sure her daughter was making some progress on her paper, not wait until it was due at the last minute: Oh by the way can you.... She should have sat down with her daughter and asked what she had done on the paper and where was she needing help with it. It would have been simpler if the mother had her daughter write down a series of well thought of questions and submitted them to Wendy with the appropriate time to respond.

Yes, Wendy lost her cool and she'll rethink it later as we all tend to do. But that mother should be ashamed of herself for asking such a thing and at the last minute too.

I guess what gets me is the whole tone of "how dare she contact Wendy directly!" Wendy made herself a public figure and now she's bitching about having to actually interact with the public. Bullshit!

I was a teacher for a long time and I would always have those students that barely attended class showing up the week before finals asking if they could do something cuz they really needed to pass the class. Would it annoy the hell out of me? Yes. Would I tear into them and insult them? No, I couldn't. I would have to patiently explain once again that they should have done the work. And I have to do this in person. Even if I got an email I couldn't ignore it. That was part of the job.

The woman probably thought the worst that was going to happen was that she would get no response and she was willing to take the chance. Wendy says she gets these emails all the time. It should be second nature to her to just ignore or delete them. For her job it's just part of the territory.

G0lden, did you read the comments under the thread, or just Wendy's post which I quoted here?  Normally, I would agree with you 100%, and under different circumstances, I'd shake my head at her parenting approach too.  I give some posters on FB the benefit of the doubt, since the mom really doesn't come off well in her message to Wendy.  But there was more to the story than contained in that message.

The daughter is dying of terminal cancer.  She has been subjected to repeated, aggressive medical treatments, leaving her physically disabled, cognitively impaired, and psychologically shattered.  This 17 year-old girl is suffering in a way that's difficult for most of us to imagine, and she's been doing it for years.  Her mother must exist in an on-going crisis state. Can we really expect her to always behave rationally when she's overworked, emotionally drained, and exhausted?  I've had dear family friends lose a teen child to terminal cancer.  After a few years of fighting, they were all operating at less than 50% their usual strength in every area, including intellectually.  It just wears you down, and all you can do is try to get to the end of one more day.  You wake up and do it all over again.  One day, you wake up and your child doesn't.  That's some relief to look forward to.

The daughter doesn't have to go to school.  She doesn't have to write reports.  Even her mother admits it's a long shot for her to get to graduation.  Can you imagine having to confess such a thing to a bunch of strangers on FB who care more about a comic book than the torment of your daily reality?  

She apologized profusely and repeatedly.  For the sake of balance, here's her story, in her own words (I've decided to omit her name, for the sake of her and her daughter's privacy):

Quote :

I’d also like to give some background and explain why I did such a terrible thing in hopes of some understanding and forgiveness. I’ve read everything posted and feel horrible. For those of you who want to make the effort, please bear with me.

Patty was diagnosed with Stage IV neuroblastoma just after her 12th birthday back in 2011. Kids her age do not survive this disease unless they respond to frontline treatment. She did not. She had a 0% chance of surviving the first year. By some miracle, she did, and has for the past five years, leaving several doctors scratching their heads. Since 2011, she has been through hundreds of rounds of various nasty treatments, including the treatment she is currently on. She has three more possible treatments if this one does not work. None of them will destroy the cancer. They are intended to give her as much time as possible and remain as stable as possible. Unless treatments for childhood cancer advances incredibly quickly over the next year, and unless her available options pan out (none have so far, BTW), the tumors she currently has will continue to grow and spread more rapidly. In her age range, there aren’t good options, and neuroblastoma is very rare in her age range. Compared to other cancers, there isn’t a lot of meaningful research going on. To be blunt, she won’t be 21, 27, or 30. By some other miracle, she will be 18.

The years of treatment have taken their toll. She has poor heart function, is developing problems with her kidneys and liver, has short-term memory problems, and some cognitive difficulties. More problematic, she has severe panic/anxiety disorder and depression. This does not mean that she is incapable or so damaged that she can’t do anything. She was never supposed to walk again after her first surgery at diagnosis. She was paralyzed from the waist down prior to that surgery, which removed a tumor wrapped around her upper spinal cord. (As an aside, the paralysis had been progressing, unknown and undiagnosed, for a couple of months before we were in the emergency room with it. Despite that, she earned her yellow belt in karate a week before.) After six weeks in the hospital and grueling physical therapy, she left using a walker most of the time. After six months, she took her first six steps across a room. Six months later, she rarely used a wheelchair. She has used the wheelchair just a few times since.

She also had manual dexterity problems. For a child who was drawing as soon as she was able to hold a pencil and had played piano since she was six, even writing her own music, this was devastating. She threw herself into occupational therapy, even incorporating her sketching into it. She still can’t play piano, but is a very talented artist.

She also had the option of leaving school entirely. The school system does not expect her to finish. However, she has been in homebound classes since the beginning (sometimes taking classes via Skype, like when she was immunodeficient and confined to her room for six months and out of town in treatment for several months). She’s been able to take a class or two in school for some of high school. She won’t quit school and has made it her goal to graduate. She does ALL of her schoolwork on her own and has earned all of her grades on her own. She hasn’t asked for help until now.

This treatment gives her terrible migraines, some nausea, leaves her very tired, and makes it hard for her to function some days. She was supposed to have a treatment last Monday, but had an infection that delayed it until Wednesday. She received her assignment on Tuesday, and decided to make Wendy’s achievements in the field of graphic novels the point of the essay. The essay required some references in MLS format.

She had a migraine on Wednesday and a treatment on Thursday, leaving her fairly incapacitated until Saturday. She’s been banging her head against finding proper reference material highlighting some points of the essay. Tonight, she finally asked for some help.

My first thought was to ask Wendy, then go to this group, and to a women in fandom group I belong to. Patty is not friends with Wendy and her fandom groups were less than helpful, preferring to disintegrate into arguments about women in fandom rather than direct her to sources. I did not think to ask the group first, or to read the rules. My first thought was to go straight to the primary source.

I made the mistake. My child rarely asks for help and I jumped in too quickly when she did. I took a long shot anyway, knowing that it was a long shot. I’ve been thoroughly raked over the coals for being ignorant of the rules and contacting Wendy. I get that. A number of other comments about me were presumptive and horrible.

The comments presuming that Patty is entitled, spoiled, or otherwise unprepared for life were even more presumptive and hateful. This is a young woman who looks death in the face every day and tells it “not today” and has fought for every inch of what she is and what she has against all odds.

I was unintentionally rude and ignorant. I ask forgiveness for that and will ensure I know the rules here for the future. I understand being up to your elbows in something and getting bombarded with requests and questions, even when you have asked that people back off for a while. (In my case, it was usually in vomit, blood, and other less pleasant things.) I am only hoping for a better understanding of the situation and forgiveness.

I deeply appreciate those who have been less phlegmatic and who have pointed toward sources. Patty is on the right path with her research now.

Yes, I found her request ludicrous too.  So presumptuous!  Her daughter must be a spoiled little twit!  I'm glad I kept reading, because it reminded me that life is full of complication.  Knowing what she's going through, I can't condemn this woman's parenting.  I don't know if I could walk a mile in her shoes--she seems a lot stronger than I am.  Honestly, this whole thing made me read the news differently this morning, and for that I'm grateful.

Outlier wrote:

The woman probably thought the worst that was going to happen was that she would get no response and she was willing to take the chance. Wendy says she gets these emails all the time. It should be second nature to her to just ignore or delete them. For her job it's just part of the territory.

FWIW, Wendy said that she only yesterday pinned a note to her personal FB page explicitly stating that she would not read or respond to messages from strangers. If she didn't want to be messaged, that proscription should have been posted everywhere. Why would someone check the (long) guidelines on the EQ-Fans FB page if they were going to contact Wendy through her personal page? I don't know. I get the feeling that Wendy is about as good at navigating social media as my mom, which is to say, not very.

Wisp wrote:

Outlier wrote:

The woman probably thought the worst that was going to happen was that she would get no response and she was willing to take the chance. Wendy says she gets these emails all the time. It should be second nature to her to just ignore or delete them. For her job it's just part of the territory.

FWIW, Wendy said that she only yesterday pinned a note to her personal FB page explicitly stating that she would not read or respond to messages from strangers.  If she didn't want to be messaged, that proscription should have been posted everywhere.  Why would someone check the (long) guidelines on the EQ-Fans FB page if they were going to contact Wendy through her personal page?  I don't know. I get the feeling that Wendy is about as good at navigating social media as my mom, which is to say, not very.

I missed the whole drama but read it just now. The same thing popped into my mind when reading Wendy's last comment: "wait, you mean you didn't have such a message on your personal page before? Why the heck not, woman? That's, like, where I'd expect the original text came from that was copied into the FB group guidelines!"

That said, at first I too thought the request was crazy, but should have been dealt with with a simple "no". I work Customer Service fulltime, and you Always. Stay. Polite. Always. No exceptions.


*edited to add my original rant that I wanted to post but forgot when I discovered above drama*
You, customer of ours, are an idiot. If I tell you an accessory is not available for purchase separately, It. Is. Not. Available.
Asking three more times will NOT change the answer! It was an exclusive accessory only available with a Deluxe package of the device, it has never been available separately. So NO, it is not available. And I'll go make sure that the mention in the manual (list of accessories) will get a notice "not all accessories available separately" thanks to you.

Something that makes me fucking furious is the whole 'OMG I'M SO SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THOUGH ALL THIS WENDY IT MUST BE HORRIBLE!!!!11111'-reactions like the woman's message is equal to some kind of assault. And the 'OUTRAGEOUS!', 'ABSOLUTELY CRAZY REQUEST','be ashamed','horrible mother' are so fucking idiotic and rage inducing.
Fucking hell. 
It's a fucking message.

And they don't actually care that the girl has terminal cancer.
The fact somebody dared to send Wendy a massage overshadows everything and an irredeemable transgression to them.

Urgh.
Tankeløse køtere.

Indeed Shadowpath, that is SO crazy I cannot fathom how anyone would say something like that. But it happens.
It's crazy.

On another note:
A 'nip'?
That wasn't a nip, they all mauled the poor woman!

I have to say... the mother could have mentioned her daughter's cancer in the message, instead of using words like 'procrastinating'... the message did give the impression that the girl wasn't doing her schoolwork properly, and if I had been in Wendy's shoes, I'd probably have refused too. Wendy's mistake was making it public but that is a mistake most of us have made one time or another in social media.

Wow, just tuned into this latest kerfuffle... I'm saddened, but not much surprised. The Pinis don't seem to be naturals at social media. Whatever happened to that advice to reread once, twice, three times, ten times before posting?

Karma is watching, my friends.

Karma never forgets.

I wasn't surprised that Wendy wanted to clarify that such requests are not appropriate and that she doesn't have time-- but the way she did it was even more inappropriate than the request itself. All you had to do was click on the woman's photo to know that her daughter had cancer. But even without doing that-- after she apologized and explained-- a little acknowledgement would have been kind. Instead she was all "well this woman outed herself by apologizing-- so anything she gets is her own fault." That's honestly callous and just a little bitchy. I've met Wendy Pini a few times-- and she was always kind and gracious and generous with her willingness to engage and talk to people. This doesn't seem like the woman I met. I think it may really be just not being good at managing her online interactions. She can restrict who contacts her on Facebook. She doesn't need to accept friendship requests or messages from people she doesn't know. And her response seemed more like an aggressive repudiation of responsibility for that situation because she didn't want to feel the embarrassment of having been (inadvertently) mean to a woman in that position. When the right thing to do would be to just acknowledge it nicely. Like-- just be nice. You don't have to right all the time.

Customers. Do you have the habit of touching things on a museum? Is that the protocol on the other museums you have been to? Have I just been at museums were touching were no go unless you had explicit permission to touch it? I know some of you are old enough to have interacted with these things in your childhoods, but still! Is this really how you were raised?

‘Here have this item. This signifies your standing is actually worse than you thought because you think you are inconsequential, but in reality, you are just something we can chew on.’

I'm clapping because that's actually a smart burn. Ridiculing and deranking in one go.

Online adds which just start playing loudly with no way to mute/stop them should be illegal. Some of us might want to do something on our computers that require sound while also browsing the internet.

I agree- they are super annoying.

Those things are the worst. They should be illegal, imo. If only for the simple fact that they are completely uncreative. You're supposed to get me to pay attention to your product by being at least a bit creative lol

I'm getting tired of the whole us-and-them god-guy bad-guy attitude Americans develop during an election year. For what it's worth, I don't like either candidate, and I am disappointed with both parties. But I've never met either of them. I could imagine the two of them sitting together and chatting about their grandkids. They're not monsters.

I don't think one's political affiliations are a test of intelligence. Failing to agree with you does not make someone stupid, sheep-like or mentally incompetent.

Part of my writing business involves calling people up and asking them about their work. People are fascinating. Outside of work, just talking to people shows that everyone has an amazing story or two: The first woman ever hired to work in a nuclear power plant, or a Srebrenica genocide survivor, or a kid who "visited" a few inches of North Korea, or a relative who has a letter that Mother Theresa wrote to him, etc.

If we stop dismissing people based upon their political beliefs or loyalties, we could learn so much from them. Don't be so eager to "school" people. Vote according to your conscience, keep discussions civil, and accept the fact that you may be wrong about everything.

Redhead Ember wrote:

Online adds which just start playing loudly with no way to mute/stop them should be illegal. Some of us might want to do something on our computers that require sound while also browsing the internet.

You said it. I particularly liked the one I stumbled across the other day that announced, "Warning: if you haven't seen the first season of Mr. Robot" -- which I haven't -- "this is going to spoil everything!" and then provided absolutely no way to mute the ad.

The worst add I've ever come across was the one for World of Warcraft: Pandaria. It was so goddamn loud that it nearly gave me an heart-attack every time I came to a page where it was.
Whoever thought starting the add with a massive explosion/or whatever the hell it actually was should have been sentence to suffer the blood eagle punishment.

There was a huge issue in the US where, when commercials came on the TV, the sound would be *REALLY LOUD* in comparison to whatever you're watching. It was crazy. I hear something was done about it to where it was curtailed, but I'm not sure since I don't own a TV. I am actually allergic to TV because of commercials which is why I will only watch, like PBS or HBO, because I cannot stand commercials. And then you get online and this kind of shit happens....

I became allergic to World of Warcraft because of that add. XD

I can't believe this. I just got done with a training class and haven't been certified yet, and I'm getting crift scores from customers. How stupid are you, we are still learning to connect the dots with what we have learned.

crift for us is when a customer takes a survey on their experience with an agent. Sadly many crift scores are bad because the customer hates the company not the agent.

*Twitch*
Oh goody, something Blair made.

At news: Ok besides the 'always chaotic evil' trope, why would Russia do that.